Open Post: Hosted By Richard Simmons

Some days you just really need to feel your nipples give birth to drops of extra sweetened hummingbird juice while staring at pictures of the graceful dandelion Richard Simmons looking like somebody’s fucked up auntie on Halloween, and this is one of those days. I’d never think to put together New Balance sneakers, spider web tights from Capezio, a DIY black swan costume, two handfuls of googly eyes and a bunch of fake pearl bracelets from some little girl’s jooree box, but Richard pulls it off.

And you know how in movies and shit, bitches are always saying things like, “I’m just waiting for the butterfly in me to awaken and take flight“? This is what they’re talking about.