Lindsay Lohan’s ongoing desperation tour through every show on NBC made a stop on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and she told Jimmy that she got the SNL job by doing what her mommy taught her (no, not that, the other thing): beg beg beg a bitch until his only options are to give in or FedEx himself to North Korea to escape the begging. LiLo said that she called Lorne before cornering him in L.A. and since he was so tired of her Howdy Doody cheeks invading his nightmares and her threats of handjobs, he threw the crackie a bone.
Jimmy: How did it happen? Did Lorne call you or…
LiLo: Um. No, actually I was calling Lorne.
Jimmy: You called Lorne?
LiLo: Yeah, I was calling Lorne and I kept asking him, and not harassing him, but I wasn’t giving up.
Jimmy: You were just like saying, “Can I host? Can I host?”
LiLo: Yeah, I was like, “Can I host? Can I host? Can we do something together?” And he was in L.A., and you know Lorne, he’s very straight to the point and he’s like, “What about March 3rd? Can you do March 3rd?” And I was like, “Oh yeah, I’m free. I’ll make myself free.” Because it’s so much fun there.
We can sit here and laugh at the 55-year-old wig full of freckles and greasy desperation for being so devoted to the gospel according to pathetic, but guess who got the job, bitch?! If you were
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That damn St. Angie is all over the Internet today. Everywhere I go, there’s Angie. I go to NoAngelinaJoliesAllowed.org and that bitch is there. She’s everywhere. There she is walking around in a dress the color of the shit that does not come out of her ass. There she is daring her period to come while escorting Ms. Pitt around like a trophy. And here’s Angie getting swallowed by the black (Note: “Angie getting swallowed by the black” is going to be big on Google keywords this week, so I’m trying to get ahead of the trend) in the pages of Newsweek.
Angie is doing all of this to sell the shit out of that In the Land of Blood and Honey movie. She’s flaunting it everywhere and I’m still not going to see it. Sorry. I wouldn’t even see it if she renamed it In the Land of Nuttin’ Honey and re-worked the plot to be about a couple going through a painful divorce because one of them answers “Nuttin’ honey” to every single question the other one asks. Okay, I’d watch it then and only then.
St. Angie isn’t only all over the Internet, she’s all over TV too. Angie was on Nightline and they asked her if she was going to ever marry Brad Pitt. Obviously, the journalists on Nightline
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