Has it really come to this, marketing people for Snow White and the Huntsman? I hope that the Little Birdie (fun fact: the name of the VP of publicity at Universal Pictures is Little Birdie) who told Charlize Theron it was Kristen Stewart’s birthday also had five blunts in its beak and promised to give them to her after she recorded this awkward mess of a greeting. I don’t know if Charlize is paying homage to Kristen by trying to look as uncomfortable and awkward as possible, but she looks pretty fucking uncomfortable and awkward. But it’s good to know that when Charlize feels uncomfortable she starts talking like Otto Mann from The Simpsons. I’m kind of turned on.
Source: Lainey Gossip via Videogum
While chewing on a piece of Velveeta gum and holding paws with her man friend Billy Bob Merlotte, Brit Brit yawled into London today to shoot her video for Criminal before going off to Russia to put the thrill into audiences with her world-renowned mouth moving act that Lambchop ain’t got shit on.
The last time Brit Brit was in the UK, Customs quarantined her Cujo weave for 6 months and it broke her medicated spirit, because her head was forced to take a weave of absence (I don’t know what that means, but I really wanted to use “weave of absence” in a sentence.) But this time around, the Afghan Hound ear on the top of her head got all of its vaccinations, cleared Customs and was allowed into the country. Tanks Jeebus H Krissy!!!
And I appreciate that Brit is paying homage to the late and great Jeannie Bice by wearing a Quacker Factory buttoned t-shirt with wings (that’s what Brit Brit calls it).
On the left is the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir signing copies of his memoirs at Macy’s in Philadelphia the other day. On the right is the forever reigning pretty pretty prince of the Internet Peter Pan Dude.
Both are what a fluffy white chicken would look like if it tried to escape the farm by disguising itself as Dorothy Hamill. Both could actually convince a room of strangers that Stuart from MADtv was based on them. Both could bedazzle a sheet of toilet paper by wiping their derrieres on it. Both piss hummingbird juice and huckleberry nectar. Both could give a sparkler show just by burping. And both have a nickname for their peen that could double as the name of a Popple.
Johnny is not one to Xerox copy a ho’s entire look, so I will assume he’s paying homage to the one and only Peter Pan Dude. I mean, who doesn’t open their closet in the morning and tell themselves that they want to look like Moe Howard meets Peter Pan Dude meets a Palm Springs divorcee?
On the left is The Real Housewives of New York City’s Jill Zarin back in 2006, and on the right is Jill Zarin looking like a damn fool on Watch What Happens Live last night. The only thing she’s missing is a microphone headset and a child covering their eyes in the front row, because this is the kind of piss poor Madonna impersonation you’d see at a PTA talent show. That polyester fall would look better on a horse’s ass. That top would look better on a Charlotte Russe mannequin circa 1990. And those earrings would look a whole lot better in the napkin holder section at a Pier 1. That being said, Jill Zarin looks hotter “now.” Well, you know I’m a sucker for grown hos embarrassing themselves while paying homage to the 90s.
The entire BOMB Ambition look is more frightening when it moves:
If you’re going to do yourself up to look like a Vogue-era Madonna, can’t you put a cone bra on your dog so she matches you? That’s just lazy styling.
