Maggie Gyllenhaal has birthed out yet another little girl who gets to play Barbies in her playroom with Uncle Jakey (SPOILER ALERT: Jakey’s always gets to be Midge. Always.). Maggie’s rep tell UsWeekly that her second daughter with Peter Sarsgaard was born on April 19th in NYC. Just like Jack Osbourne and Lily Allen, Maggie and Peter have given their daughter the name of a 73-year-old southern memaw who holds the record as Piggy Wiggly’s longest serving employee and whose hair hasn’t been out of a bun since the 40s. Maggie and Peter named their second kid:
GLORIA RAY!!!!!!!
I can’t hate on the name Gloria Ray at all, because: a) Any name that is also the title of a Laura Branigan song is a good name and; b) Just shouting the name “Gloria Ray” out loud makes me feel like a southern mother from the 50s calling her daughter in for supper.
And meanwhile, Jessica Simpson’s wombschooled unborn baby just graduated from the 3rd grade.
Jude Law gives us a cautionary tale on the dangers of dressing while totally baked – Lainey Gossip
In a perfect, beautiful world, that iPhone fell into a portal and dropped out of the sky before landing on Chris Brown’s head. The circle of iPhone abuse would be complete. – The Superficial
Demi Moore is still douchematized – Celebitchy
Jessica Biel was into Barbie kink – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Methinks Lindsay Lohan’s cheeks are trying to escape out of her nostrils holes – Hollywood Tuna
But we already have one Khloe Kardashian – Towleroad
What a delicious looking ham wrap (I’m talking about the picture on the window, not Megan Fox’s toe) – Popoholic
Nobody does low-budget copy + pasting like the Chinese. Take note, Lady GaGa – The Berry
I think I see a surrogate winking at me when I stare deep into Beyonce’s Magic Eye pants – ICYDK
Peter Sarsgaard struts struts struts his ass in some wedgie makers – Popsugar
This is funnier if you read it as, “Hilary Clinton Urges Women Not To Take A Shit” – Jezebel
If you’re a pervert who looks through every bathroom peep hole, hoping that one day you’ll find Dominic West’s ass on the other side, here you go – OMG Blog
Brandon Flowers is looking hot! - Just Jared
Puck from Glee is looking turrible! – SOW
This is supposed to make me awwww inside, but it made me ewwwww inside when he sucked the baby out of her belly – The Daily What
Mickey Rourke for Peeled Paul, because I’m pretty sure he takes off his skin at night just like that – Videogum
· Club Silencio, the long-awaited Paris disco designed by renaissance man David Lynch, has opened its doors. The Guardian got a tour and a few snapshots, while Lynch told L’Express: “I have the feeling that I have coaxed out some of the atmosphere and the characters from my films, and even from my music.” Which I guess makes the toilet… Dune? I’m so confused. Click through, take a look and stick around for your Thursday Buzz Break.
[Photos via The Guardian]
· If Club Silencio doesn’t quite inspire confidence in Lynch, here’s a terrific essay suggesting a Laura Dern intervention for the wayward filmmaker. [The Awl]
· Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 took the top spot in an MTV poll regarding summer movies. You’ll never guess what earned the “Most Disappointing” booby prize. (Hint: You probably will guess. Give it a try!) [MTV]
· Paul Dano will reunite with his Meek’s Cutoff director Kelly Reichardt for the “eco-terrorist” film Night Moves. What’s it about? Co-star Peter Sarsgaard cites Marshall Curry’s fine documentary If a Tree Falls as a sort of spiritual cousin. [The Playlist]
· Don’t look now, but T.J. Miller is about to drop a rap record. [StumbleUpon]
· Quiz time! Can you name these summer-movie locations at a glance? [BuzzSugar]
· Speaking of summer — it’s almost over. Cheer or jeer accordingly, and bid it farewell in any case with the inaugural Farewell-to-Summer Pool-Scene Montage. [Nerve]
Full Story »Life handed us a traumatizing poster for Final Destination 5, and we’re left to figure out why it’s so dumb and scary. Remember that horrifying Green Lantern poster featuring a yellow-eyed Peter Sarsgaard? This is easily worse than that. Here’s our list of 10 images that the new poster conjures; please contribute your own and help paint a word picture with us.
1. An average illustration in a high school freshman’s Art I sketchbook
2. A Korn comeback album
3. An ill-advised Joan Rivers surgery
4. A Rob Zombie-directed version of the Yorick scene in Hamlet
5. A cute, skull-shaped golf bag full of irons and woods
6. Something Snoopy’s brother Spike comes across in the desert
7. A shocked reaction during a The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion special
8. The fadeout still from Psycho
9. What I plan to do to the creator of Final Destination
10. That Peter Sarsgaard poster, actually
Yours? Let the healing begin.
Final Destination 5 (in 3D) arrives in theaters Aug. 12.
[via Yahoo!]
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Like I even have to ask?
Blake Lively rolled through the bride’s first night collection in the bath aisle at Bed, Bath and Beyond before hitting the L.A. premiere of The Green Lantern last night. Don’t you just want to throw her on the bottom of your tub so you don’t slip and break an ass bone while showering? But jokes aside, I am a little surprised that Blake NotSoLively looked so demure at the opening of her first huge movie. Up until this point, Blake had been whoring herself out raw to sell this movie. The “It Wasn’t Me” naked picture sponsored by Shaggy, the whole “taming of Leonardo DiCatchaho“ thing and then she ends up with nothing but a silent bang?
If the reviews are right, then The Green Lantern is a pile of shit covered in green phlegm that will probably get beat at the box office by that movie about penguins who are addicted to poppers. So I would’ve though that Blake would’ve put in one last giant thrust by putting the ATTENTION in attention whore. You know, like showing up to the premiere wearing Leonardo’s dick as a necklace and the transcripts from Jennifer Garner’s “STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY HUSBAND, YOU BLAND OATMEAL WHORE” voicemails to her as a skirt. The only way this movie can be saved is if Warner Bros. makes some last minute changes and turns the Green Lantern’s
…
Full Story »Not that you needed any more proof Green Lantern isn’t your typical comic book film — what with Peter Sarsgaard’s giant head and all that space-flying — but here comes the latest bit of marketing from Warner Bros.: a character poster for Abin Sur, the purple alien that gives Hal Jordan his decoder ring. Click ahead for a look at the OG Lantern.
Abin Sur is voiced by Temuera Morrison, who you might remember as Jango Fett in the terrible Star Wars prequels. Green Lantern arrives in theaters on June 17.
[via Facebook]
Full Story »Alert: Peter Sarsgaard’s visage on the new poster The Green Lantern is nothing short of hair-raising, or worse, hair-curling. As the dastardly Hector Hammond, Sarsgaard sports a wavy mane, deathly glare, and the kind of outstretched fingers that start the grimmest tickle fights of all. What terrifying images does the poster bring to mind for you? Here’s our list of horrors.
1. Most unmasked Scooby Doo villains (prospectors excluded).
2. The hairline of a million unemployed uncles named Marty.
3. The most disturbing portrait of Vincent Price in history.
4. The baggy outerwear of Color Me Badd.
5. Gary Oldman’s inner (and outer) sorcerer.
6. NASCAR fanatics.
7. Project Runway season two’s second runner-up Santino Rice.
8. The inimitable grip of bowling great Parker Bohn III.
9. Bristol Palin’s sharp new jaw.
10. 100% of white male Maury guests.
Contribute your demonic images below! Green Lantern arrives in theaters on June 17.
· Green Lantern’ Movie Poster: Hector Hammond [Collider]
Full Story » 
Warner Bros. knew they had a problem with the first trailer for Green Lantern, so following a stop at WonderCon to debut a round of fresh footage, the studio went back to the drawing board. The results? This new theatrical trailer that highlights not only the epic scope of Green Lantern, but Ryan Reynolds’ jacked torso, Peter Sarsgaard’s crazy-ass alien head, and the destructive force of Parallax. Click ahead to see Green Lantern’s light.
Green Lantern hits theaters on June 17.
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Iris Chacón (61)
Laura Prepon (31)
Jenna Fischr (37)
Peter Sarsgaard (40)
Matthew Vaughn (40)
Rachel Weisz (41)
Cameron Daddo (46)
Bret Easton Ellis (47)
Wanda Sykes (47)
Taylor Dane (49)
Donna Murphy (52)
Bryan Cranston (55)
John Heard (66)
Michael Eisner (69)
Willard Scott (77)
