Six seconds after Lindsay Lohan was arrested for being Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, her beloved father and the piece of dried leech shit who played a huge part in turning her into a human tequila worm of delusion, immediately pulled his cell phone out of the totally cool holster strapped to his International Male jeans and called the only people who will take his call: the media.
Michael Lohan tells Radar that he’s the one who tried to get LiLo into rehab and he told everyone she’d continue to be a professional fuck-up if she didn’t get real help. You know Michael Lohan really cares, because I’m sure that the first thing he said to Radar after calling them up was, “Yoko Ono came out with some new hot mesh shirts, so you’re gonna need to add a zero to my usual fee.” This is the pile of extra chunky caca filling that spewed out of Michael’s pie hole this morning:
“I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us and internally she’s hurt and angry! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God
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I don’t like that it took two accusations of illegal boy boning, but I am glad that Elmo can’t let out another nerve-killing, soul-butchering annoying cackle for now. Elmo is temporarily mute today, because his voice box has quit this bitch and is done fisting Muppets. After 28 years of being the voice of Elmo, Kevin Clash is no longer the voice of Elmo. Sesame Street released this statement to everyone today:
Sesame Workshop’s mission is to harness the educational power of media to help all children the world over reach their highest potential. Kevin Clash has helped us achieve that mission for 28 years, and none of us, especially Kevin, want anything to divert our attention from our focus on serving as a leading educational organization. Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding Kevin’s personal life has become a distraction that none of us want, and he has concluded that he can no longer be effective in his job and has resigned from Sesame Street. This is a sad day for Sesame Street.
Usually, when a dude resigns from his job while in the middle of a sexo escandalo, it means that more accusers are about to come forward and another one has. 30-something Cecil Singleton, the one on the right serving up some subway-style El Debarge-ness, has gone
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The first line on the first page of every cell phone manual reads: “If Robert De Niro calls your ass, you either call him the hell back or drown yourself and this phone in the Hudson River.” Well, Jay-Z broke that rule several times. ILLEGAL!
According to Page Six, Jay-Z agreed to record a song for the Tribeca Film Festival and Robert De Niro called him up several times to discuss it. Jay-Z never called him back. So at Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday the other night, Robert De Niro wasn’t going to act like everything is rainbow dicks and heart-shaped buttholes when Jay-Z strolled up to say hi. Some witness said that the entire party stopped to watch the Italian bull and the Brooklyn camel butt heads:
“Bob wasn’t in any mood to make polite conversation. He told Jay that if somebody calls you six times, you call them back. It doesn’t matter who you are, that is just rude. De Niro kept telling him that he thinks he’s the man, but that he was disrespectful. Beyoncé came over, but that didn’t calm Bob down. It was the talk of the party. Everyone was saying there’s only one star in New York bigger and badder than Jay-Z, and that’s Robert De Niro. He can be quite scary when he’s angry.”
It’s a good thing Leonardo DiCaprio was too busy gorging himself on a
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Full Story »Brad Pitt faces off against zombies in the first peek at World War Z, the anticipated and notoriously troubled book adaptation that has Hollywood aflutter. Are those notorious behind-the-scenes woes evident from these 30 seconds of footage? More importantly: Will Pitt’s gloriously shaggy mane keep its luster as he flees from these hordes of CG zombies?
Entertainment Tonight has the first look (they’ll debut a full peek on November 8):
Even compensating for the annoying infotainment voice-over and terrible picture quality, this just a little… underwhelming. This is the kind of I Am Legend-esque zombie CG $170 million and counting buys you?
That said, I do love me some Mireille Enos even if my brain isn’t ready to accept the idea of her and Pitt as a couple. Does not quite compute. I look at her frantically on the phone with Pitt in this trailer tease and think of Linden frantically on her flip phone with her neglected teenage son, chewing Nicorette, hunting down perps in Seattle while being the worst mother ever. And then I think back to The Killing, which I loved even if it was two seasons of red herrings and Holderisms, because remember Holder? God, I loved him. I’d like to think Holder would survive a zombie apocalypse. Hiding out underneath a hoodie, calling zombies names like “home slice.” Yeah. Give me that movie.
World War Z zombie-runs into theaters on June 21, 2013. Let’s hope seven months is enough time to make those CG effects look vaguely realistic. Leave your thoughts below.
James Franco as Freddie Quell? It almost happened, the actor revealed during a panel at the Austin Film Festival, until The Master director Paul Thomas Anderson asked Franco one little question: “Do you feel like you can do this?”
Franco’s confidence, he says, is what did him in as he and Anderson chatted about The Master’s troubled, potion-drinking veteran before Joaquin Phoenix came into the picture.
“Paul Thomas Anderson was getting ready to make The Master and he called me and we met,” Franco said (as reported by EW). “And we talked and we ended up meeting for coffee. We didn’t talk about The Master but I met him to chat. And then he kept calling me and he wanted to talk and talk but I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about because we’d always just kind of bulls— on the phone.”
He continued: “So then when he started talking about the role he said, ‘Do you feel like you can do this?’ And I said ‘Yeah, totally. Look, I think you’re like the best American director. I feel confident. I know I can do this.’ And he said to me, ‘But I want this to scare you. I want this role, going on this journey to scare you.’ And I was like ‘Scare?! I know I can do it.”
“And so, incredible movie, needless to say I didn’t get the part. I guess I wasn’t scared enough or something, or whatever reason I didn’t get it. And then when I saw Joaquin in that movie I realized ‘Oh, he wanted me to like lose my mind.’”
Yes, James Franco! PTA wanted you to completely lose your shit, lick windows, and freak out inside of…
Full Story »“Please do not text during the movie because it makes everyone… Psycho.” In a new anti-texting PSA, Alfred Hitchcock (by way of Anthony Hopkins, star of the upcoming Hitchcock) warns theatergoers against violating the tacit code of conduct implicit in any movie theater — using your darn phone during the film — or else.
It’s a bit left field, but fun — and, more importantly, a message worth spreading throughout the land. I loathe movie disruptors of all kinds (talkers, texters, knee jigglers, seat kickers) with a burning passion and these mindless miscreants have only multiplied with the ubiquitous rise of cell phones and technology and ADD attention spans. (Check out venerable blogger Dennis Cozzalio’s infuriating account of the dunce-headed woman he encountered texting during a recent screening of Frankenweenie.)
The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin has stepped up to defend moviegoers’ rights in the cell phone wars — that is, the rights of those paying customers in a theater to not have to deal with the obnoxious few who chatter or use their phones in a movie. Their epic anti-talking PSA became legend last year (below); Drafthouse theaters play an assortment of custom-filmed videos to remind audiences to kindly shut the hell up, or risk being kicked out.
The new video by the makers of Hitchcock (which despite being sent around by the film’s PR reps appears to have been captured on a cell phone camera and uploaded to YouTube by a random fan, problematically enough) reminds me of Lars von Trier’s short Occupations, which I first saw via the Drafthouse folks:
Occupations – short film by Lars von Trier by vahea
So, yeah. Shut up and turn off your phones.…
Full Story »The 37th Toronto International Film Festival added more titles Tuesday, completing a lineup that includes 289 features of which 146 are world premieres from 72 countries. Among the titles revealed today are Cannes Palme d’Or winner Amour by Michael Haneke, Everyday by Michael Winterbottom, Like Someone in Love by Abbas Kiarostami and Me and You by Bernardo Bertolucci. The festival touted its huge list of directors and actors expected to attend the event, which takes place September 6 – 16.
The festival revealed titles in its Masters and Discovery sections as well as events planned for its conversational “Mavericks series.” TIFF will also host its Docs Conference for a second year, expanding the event to two days and it will allow for public participation. The event will kick off with a keynote from HBO Documentary Films’ Sheila Nevins.
Among this year’s directors expected to attend are: Rian Johnson, Noah Baumbach, Deepa Mehta, Derek Cianfrance, Sion Sono, Joss Whedon, Neil Jordan, Lu Chuan, Shola Lynch, Barry Levinson, Yvan Attal, Ben Affleck, Marina Zenovich, Costa-Gavras, Laurent Cantet, Sally Potter, Dustin Hoffman. Baltasar Kormákur, J.A. Bayona, Rob Zombie, Peaches and Paul Andrew Williams.
Actors expected to attend include: Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jackie Chan, Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Bill Murray, Robert Redford, Riz Ahmed, Ryan Gosling, Robert De Niro, Stephen Dorff, Dennis Quaid, Jennifer Connelly, Billy Bob Thornton, Bradley Cooper, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Colin Firth, Kate Hudson, Kiefer Sutherland, Gwyneth Paltrow and many more.
“These Masters films represent cinema’s living legacy,” said Piers Handling, Director and CEO, TIFF. “We are proud to present new work from directors as renowned as Manoel de Oliveira, Michael Haneke, Bernardo Bertolucci and Abbas Kiarostami. All 14 filmmakers command the respect of audiences, critics and above all their filmmaking peers.” …
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You didn’t have to be stoned, drunk, crunk or mind-numbingly high on whatever was in your medication cabinet to fully embrace the clusterfuck of WTF foolery that Britain threw down during last night’s Opening Ceremony. High school history teachers should pass a joint around to their students and play last night’s Opening Ceremony if they really want British history to seep into their brains.
From Kenneth Branagh and his chorus of Isambard Kingdom Brunels (or as some of us lazy drunk Americans who didn’t feel like Googling called him, “Abrabrit Lincolns!”) to the nurses jiving over universal healthcare to the “It’s Voldemort, bitch!” moment to the ode to teen cell phone hook-ups, it was all sorts of WHAT?! (Side whisper: The part that really bothered me during the ode to teen cell phone hook-ups was when dude found her cell phone and called her OTHER cell phone with it. Homegirl had a second cell phone or did he call one of her friends’ phones? This was unclear and Danny Boyle should’ve really cleared it up if he wanted the audience to completely believe this Opening Ceremony teen cell phone hook-up situation!)
Before last night’s cavalcade of British acid trips, some hos kept saying that there’s no way London is going to top Beijing. But Danny Boyle had the right idea. If you
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