Oh, it’s been much too long since we’ve all frozen our finger tips on the ice cold cuntiness that pours out of Kunty Karl’s ghoulish prune lips when he comes for a bitch. This newest ice pick of words from the Grand Dame Bitch of the House of the Death Eaters comes from The Sun and normally I look at anything that comes from The Sun with suspect eyes, but Kunty Karl would totally say this. It’s practically stamped with a platinum certified cunt seal. (FYI: The platinum certified cunt seal is a picture of Choupette Lagerfeld winking.) As Karl ran his fingers through the mop of cob webs on top of his head, he shat out this piece of pot kettle pricelessness about the Middleton sisters:
“Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman, I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don’t like the sister’s face. She should only show her back.”
Kunty Karl slapped her down like that. Damn. That crypt keeper went IN on her. That’s like a poem by Yeats if Yeats was a straight-up, black-hearted harsh bitch who had his soul removed because it made him look fat. But I’m sure Karl will make it up to Pippa by sending
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There’s a very good reason for why Tommy Girl’s face has a gigantic rainbow smile on it. It’s because he’s in Japan! Guess who’s the tallest princess in the room now, bitches? – Lainey Gossip
Tramp stamp. - The Superficial
Kellan LULz goes from a roided-up Chinese Crested to kind of hot – Towleroad
Crackhead leading the crackhead – Celebitchy
Jessica Rabbit has fallen on hard times – Hollywood Tuna
Photoshop abuse + Whitney Port trying to model = NO – The Berry
If Michelangelo was alive today, he’d call these pictures of JLo and her leased piece, “Abuelita y Nino” – Popsugar
Uma Thurman’s chichis went out last night – Hollywood Rag
I just want to serve afternoon tea and scones on Kate Beckinsale – Popoholic
FOX NEWS: Ruining lives one useless expose at a time – The Daily What
Sinus infection is the new deviated septum – ICYDK
Pippa Middleton’s ass for the zero of you that have missed it – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
If Barbara Walters wants this list to make sense, she should change the name to the Least Fascinating People of 2011 – Just Jared
Don’t fret, Afrojack, Valtrex has just sent you a Welcome to the Club basket – Celebslam
Maria Shriver gets the Larry King - I’m Not Obsessed
Oh, don’t mind Amanda Seyfried, she’s just trying to push out that doody bubble – Cityrag
Deal with it, etc… – Videogum
Fuck the whole “future King and Queen of England” shit, these two really have an amazingly successful career in dental poster modeling ahead of them. Look at all those teefs! So big! So many of them! Prince William and Duchess Kate are straight up teeth hoarders and I don’t even mind. This is obviously all part of the royal family’s campaign to dispel the stereotype that all Brits have teeth like a meth-ey llama who brushes with a chainsaw. It’s working!
You know how Prince Charles told Camilla that he wants to be reincarnated as her tampon? Well, I want to be reincarnated as Prince William’s floss. Actually, I really want to be reincarnated as Prince Hot Ginge’s Radiant Red Daily Pube Shampoo, but Prince William’s floss is my second choice.
Above is Prince and Princess Teefs on the cover of Vanity Fair, because they aren’t nearly on the cover of enough magazines even though every grocery store checkout looks like a stalker’s altar to the royal family. And below is the Blake Lively of England, Pippa Middleton, at the French Open yesterday.
