Prince Albert of Monaco and his imprisoned, contract wife Princess Charlene sat down for an interview with CBS This Morning and it’s exactly the kind of interview you’d expect from a couple who never fuck, can’t stand each other and are only together for image purposes. “Awwww, memories” said Katie Holmes.
When Holly Williams asks Princess Charlene how she’s enjoying married life, she nervously and awkwardly laughs before letting out some canned answer. If you put a microscope up to that laugh, you’d see the words “HELP ME! OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A STRONG ROPE SO I CAN HANG MYSELF FROM THAT BOOM MIC!” encoded into it. At one point, Prince Pierced Peen calls a time out on the interview while Princess Charlene wishes she can call a time out on her life. Princess Charlene is then asked what qualities drew her to Prince Albert and again, she laughs to keep from saying that it wasn’t a quality that pushed her into the arms of her husband, it was a pistol pointed at her back by an armed guard. An interview between John Travolta’s hungry hole and a vagina would be less awkward than this. It’s a mess.
As Lainey points out, Princess Charlene only looks happy when she’s laying her eyes on the hot swimmers. When she’s with Prince Pierced Peen, who really does look like a pierced penis head (swollen and confused), she looks like she’s trying to find a door or
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Sasha Grey (24)
Jamie Bell (26)
Chris Klein (33)
Grace Park (38)
Megan Follows (44)
Elise Neal (46)
Kevin Williamson (47)
Tamara Tunie (53)
Prince Albert of Monaco (54)
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Rick Dees (62)
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Quincy Jones (79)
Michael Caine (79)
In front of the likes of Naomi Campbell, Princess Stephanie, Victoria Silvstedt and Kunty Karl, Prince Albert of Monaco married Charlene Wittstock in a religious ceremony yesterday afternoon. The rumor that Kunty Karl will turn into small pile of crushed bright white dead nightmares if he even makes half of a sashay into a church is obviously just that, because he was able to sit through the entire ceremony without God’s angel army dragging him away.
The royal family obviously brought in the sexiest member of the Death Eaters to make sure that Charlene’s ass didn’t head for LE EXIT. There was talk that Charlene’s passport was snatched away when she tried to pull some runaway bride shit by flying back to South Africa after she found out that Prince Albert has take a paternity test, because there’s a good chance the bald man slut of Europe made a third love child with some Italian chick. Every time Charlene’s eyes cut to the exit, Kunty Karl threatened to chew on her soul by making a sucking sound with his teeth. I guess Charlene figured that selling her soul to Monaco was better than her soul getting trapped around one of Kunty Karl’s crushed bone hair follicles, because she actually married Prince Albert!
You wouldn’t be lying if you said that Charlene looks like
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Prince Albert of Monaco and Charlene Wittstock kissed as husband and wife on a balcony today after they were married. That expression on Prince Albert’s face is definitely of a man who is trying to picture his wife as a giant penis with two closed eyes. And that expression on Charlene’s face is definitely of a woman who is swallowing a load of barf as she kisses her new husband. We call that, true love! – Lainey Gossip
In case you were wondering, Kim Kardashian still has a freak of nature fat ass – The Superficial
Lil B’s “I’m Gay” album isn’t that gay at all – Towleroad
The dude from 98 Degrees has his nipples out and is carrying Miss July (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Leighton Meester’s got bangs – Hollywood Tuna
Demi Moore thinks Ashton Kutcher will drop her now that he doesn’t need allowance money – Celebitchy
Jill Scott dropped the chunk – The Berry
The top shelf Lindsay Lohan gets yogurt – Popoholic
Fascinating footage from The Dark Knight set – ICYDK
Kid Rock…. I probably would… - Just Jared
That lady next to Julia Roberts totally just took a slice of my soul – Hollywood Rag
Mila Kunis and Marky Mark got married – Popsugar
A game of cat and mouse – OMG Blog
Who doesn’t sleep with David Arquette here? – Cityrag
R.I.P. Camelot – I’m Not Obsessed
Auto-tuned tweens will be the end of us – The Daily What
