The Kennedy curse is still a real thing and nowadays when you marry a Kennedy, the government not only makes you fill out a marriage license, but they also make you fill out your own death certificate at the same time. But Taylor Swift doesn’t care that she’s winking at the Grim Reaper, because she’s always been obsessed with the Kennedy family and now that she’s dating Conor Kennedy, the 18-year-old son Robert Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Kennedy, all her dreams are coming true. And as Taylor’s dreams come true, all of Martha Vineyard’s nightmares are coming true since she’s totally going to name drop them in a song now.
People says that last January, Taylor went to Sundance to watch the HBO documentary about Conor’s grandma Ethel and a month later she slobbered while telling Vogue that she was so starstruck when she met Caroline and Ethel Kennedy. Taylor got to spend an afternoon with Ethel Kennedy and I’m saying right now that she used that lady to get in with Conor Kennedy. That shameless, social ladder-climbing, bale of hay-looking harlot! And who the hell climbs the social ladder to get into the Kennedy family? Because when you do that, there’s a dark cloud of doom waiting for you at the end of the ladder.
People also says that Taylor and Conor have been dating for around
…
Full Story »
28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas (short for Hilarious Thomas, I hope) became 54-year-old Alec Baldwin’s second wife (and his first wife in the eyes of the Catholic GOD) at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in NYC last night. Guests including Tina Fey, Tina’s husband Jeff Richmond, Stephen Baldwin, Billy Baldwin, Robert Kennedy Jr., Soon-Yi, Woody Allen and Mariska Hargitay all watched as Alec promised to love, cherish and try his best to not call his new wife “a wheezy old, thoughtless goat pig” in a rage-filled voicemail (SPOILER ALERT: Alec is going to fail at that last one). Alec and Hilaria got engaged in April after dating for about a year.
People, who will have all the EXCLUSIVO pictures from this blessed gold digger achievement ceremony, says that Hilaria wore a dress by some designer named Amsale, Alec wore Tom Ford and his precious pink unicorn pillow pet served as ring bearer. I can’t wait to see the pictures of Alec punching the photographer in the face with globs of wedding cake for looking at him funny through the lens.
You can tell that Alec is SERIOUS about this marriage. Dude got his hair dyed a special shade and everything. I’d like to think that seconds after Alec lifted Hilaria’s veil at the altar, their first conversation went something like this. The part of Hilaria will be played by a possessed Whoopi Goldberg and the part of Alec will be played by Orlando’s widow:
Congratulations to Alec’s colorist for getting it RIGHT!
