Weston Cage Did Not Issue A Beat Down On His Personal Trainer

Remember when Nicolas Cage's son Weston was put in the crazy house last week after he reportedly roundhouse kicked his trainer for not letting him order what he wanted at a restaurant? Well, that's not exactly what happened. TMZ is now saying that it wasn't Weston's trainer who felt his Hot Topic wrath. It was his babysitter.

Kevin Villegas was Nicolas Cage's assistant for 5 years before he was put on Weston Cage duty. Kevin, who has a military background, was sent to find Weston after he went missing last week. When Kevin found and tried to bring the goth Chyna in, he found himself with a face full of piping hot eyeliner fumes wafting off of Weston's angry face. Weston threatened to rip Kevin's "Christian fucking head" off before attacking him with a roundhouse kick. Hell hath no fury like a Khloe Kage scorned!

Weston is a highly-trained fighter (meaning he unlocked every character in UFC: Undisputed for Xbox 360), so Kevin was afraid for his life and immediately called the police. While waiting for the cops to arrive, Kevin managed to fist pump Weston in the face a few times. The cops eventually put Weston in the hospital for a mental evaluation. Sources say that Weston might press charges against Kevin.

I do love that Nicolas Cage's idea of parenting is to get one of his goons to beat the baby powder right off of his son's face. And I don't blame Kevin for crying for Jesus, because one should never underestimate a gigantic child who looks like Emily the Strange on bootleg growth hormones. But if Kevin really wanted to get Weston off his ass, he should've just pointed at a Sally Beauty Supply right before shouting, "They're having a sale on Manic Panic nail polish!"

Chuck Norris Thinks The Public Schools Are Too Pro-Gay

Chuck Norris is delivering a swift roundhouse kick of WTF to your brains in the first part of a 2-part article on the U.S. public school system he wrote for World Net Daily. Chuck thinks that American public schools are teaching our children to be gay-loving whores who hate religion but love abortions. According to Chuck, these "progressive indoctrination camps" only hire teachers who will spread the dark-sided gayness to their students. Because of this, the "red, white and blue" on the American flag will soon be changed to the colors of the rainbow and all churches will be replaced with rolling skating rinks that only play Xanadu.

Here's a little of what Chuck wrote (full post here):

On Dec. 27, 1820, Thomas Jefferson wrote about his vision for the University of Virginia (chartered in 1819), "This institution will be based on the illimitable freedom of the human mind. For here we are not afraid to follow the truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error as long as reason is left free to combat it."

But what should happen 200 years later when our public schools and universities avoid the testing of truths? Or suppress alternate opinions because they are unpopular or politically incorrect? Or no longer tolerate opinions now considered errors or obsolete by the elite? What happens when sociopolitical agendas or scientific paradigms dominate academic views to the exclusion of a minority even being mentioned?

What happens when the political and public educational pendulum swings from concern for the tyranny of sectarianism in Jefferson's day to secularism in ours? What happens when U.S. public schools become progressive indoctrination camps?

Dr. Jim Nelson Black, founder and senior policy analyst of the Sentinel Research Associates in Washington, D.C., wrote an excellent book, "Freefall of the American University." In it, he documents the clear biases pervading our public academic settings. Among that lopsidedness is the intentional training of students to disdain America, freely experiment sexually, forcefully defend issues like abortion and homosexuality, as well as become cultural advocates for political correctness, relativism, globalization, green agendas and tolerance for all.

One of the primary ways these educative platforms are spread is by recruiting and retaining faculty members who reflect and teach them.

Is Chuck basically saying that the public school system is now getting a giant injection of homosexuality and smuttiness? Examples:

Instead of teaching world history, they're now teaching Glee history.

Instead of gym, students go straight to the shower room and spend the full hour soaping each other up.

Instead of teaching abstinence during sex education class, instructors hand out copies of the Kama Sutra and a list of where you can get black market morning-after pills if the free clinic is closed.

Only lesbians can enroll in woodshop class and musical theater is mandatory to all students.

Any mention of Jesus Christ in any book has been crossed out and replaced with the name: Barbra Streisand.

I did not know this! Why the fuck did Chuck Norris keep this from me for so long? I'm about to pull a Strangers with Candy and do high school all over again. Thanks, Chuck!

via Towleroad

Hot Slut Of The Day!

Daysun MacTavish, a fashion icon of epic proportions who wore a pair of homemade crocheted Chuck Norris earrings (correction: Chuck Norris earrings wear you) to vote in the mid-term elections last April. Better late than never! I don't know if those Chuck Norris earrings chose her and delivered a swift roundhouse kick to her lobes, or if she wore them because the white stars background matches her blouse. Either way, these earrings still belong in the Regretsy National Museum.

Sources: Courant, The Telegraph via I-Am-Bored