Don’t worry, one will have many offspring but the other will have zero, so it balances out. – GingeMinge
Runners-up:
Russell Brand’s final attempt to win Katy Perry over again – bunny mind control. – sthhwrd
Due to the low budget for “Signs 2,” Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix had to be replaced. - Rosemary Young
The Illumaniti’s secret photo of Blue Ivy’s birth parents. – daisy100
via Break
Here’s just the Easter treat for that special child in your life whom you totally hate: “‘We’ve captured the delightfulness of this hilarious hit family comedy in two great-tasting, egg-shaped treats,’ explains Ron Rupocinski, Krispy Kreme Corporate Chef. ‘They’re a fun and colorful way for your family to celebrate the arrival of spring and the Blu-ray™ and DVD release of HOP.’” Reportedly, neither taste like Russell Brand, so there’s that. [PRNewswire]
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So the speculation is true. Despite a denial an few hours ago that all was sunshine and rainbows and nobody was getting served walking papers, TMZ now says that cromagnon Russell Brand filed for divorce from Crayola titties Katy Perry today in LA, citing “irreconcilable differences”. Well they’re both pretty irreconcialably um, “different” so this is not much of a shock.
I hate to go on a right to gay marriage rant (no I don’t) but they were married in October of last year. Sinead and her hubby called it quits after just a couple of weeks. The divine Liz Taylor was married eight times. So what the fuck is this “sanctity” people scream about? People promise to stay together until death, but then won’t even honor the promise by hiring a hit-man. Lazy. Seriously, shit like this right here makes me wonder why the gays aren’t allowed to break contracts left and right like us straights.
That’s why I just live in sin, sleeping with anyone with a six pack and a couple of joints. It’s so much easier to just sneak out a window half dressed in the middle of the night than show up in court and divide my shit up. And yes, I do feel the burning shame of giving Russell and Katy so much time in the precious Dlisted spotlight. Or is that the burn in my no-no region from my last drunk hook-up? Whatever, it hurts.
TMZ
Trouble in paradise? That may be the case, if by paradise you mean a squeeky voiced Muppet who always shoves her boobs in your face and a low rent 70’s Cousin It from the planet Weirdo. A very respectable source, aka Us Weekly reports that Katy Perry and Russell Brand spent Christmas on opposite sides of the globe after having a huge blowout. No, unfortunately I’m not talking about Katy’s implants.
Us Weekly says “They had a massive fight. She was like, ‘F–k you. I’m going to do my own thing.’ Russell replied, ‘Fine, f–k you too.’” Ah, romance. And couldn’t they spice it up a little, like “Fuck you in your mangy flea infested beard” and “Fine, titty fuck you too!” Gawd, I have to do everything around here. Even their fights are boring. So after they exchanged the bad kind of fucks, Katie jetted off to Hawaii with friends while her hairier half went to Cornwall.
They’re still officially a couple but their friends are saying they’ve been at each others’ throats for months, and it’s getting worse. Maybe she watched some of Russell’s “stand up” and he heard “Firework” and they got a big slap of wtf did I do with my life to the face. Or maybe Russell got tired of Katy always trapping him by his hair during sexy times (you’re welcome for that image). But some people are
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