Health warning signs have gone up all up and down the Jersey Shore, which could mean only one thing: the taint warts of MTV (and that’s saying a lot) are back and have started shooting their mess of a show today. If you’re in the Jersey Shore area, don’t forget to get caught up on all your shots and to slather liquid penicillin with SPF all over your body. It’s that season again!
Even though Snooki’s got a guidoling in her malt liquor-soaked womb, she’s still part of the cast and showed up looking six shades of FUG. It looks like a leopard swallowed a mash-up of every Cher era before wet farting it out all on Snooki. I want to say that bitch looks like Tattoo from Fantasy Island in drag as a Mötley Crüe groupie, but that would be offensive to the memory of Tattoo and to Mötley Crüe groupies.
And I’m pretty sure Snooki’s carrying her pickle spawn in her chichis.
Snooki is the epitome of wellness and health so I’m sure you were sitting there thinking that she got her new midget JWoww body from fist pumping the pounds away and sweating the fat off while trying to wrap her kooka milanese around Vinny’s watermelon dick, but nope! The Daily Mail points to Snooki’s Twitter page where yesterday she admitted that along with the cocktail of meds the CDC makes her swallow with a giant glass of pickle water, she also eats a diet pill called Zantrex. This makes sense since Snooki has what I like to call diet pill face, which is meth face’s first cousin. The skinniest Ewok on Endor said this on Twitter:
Glad to hear reports that say I look good =) but it’s not because of HCG! Thanks @Zantrex!
One of my followers asked if I was a paid spokesperson for zantrex…yes haven’t you seen the ads in Star?
The DM says that eating Zantrex might give you the these fun side-effects: palpitations, anxiety, cold sweats, nausea, diarrhea, increased heart rate and irritability.
That’s funny. Those are the some side-effects a trick gets after eating Snooki.
I took diet pills once and the only thing it did for me was show me what a day in the life of an incontinent tweaker is like. When I wasn’t shaking, I was
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The 8 mutated syphilis sores who grow stronger in jacuzzi water have all officially signed on to the fourth season of Jersey Shore, which will start shooting in Italy in a few weeks. Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, Watermelon Dick, Sammi Sweetheart and that other shaved Wooki who isn’t Snooki are all coming back to spread a thick layer of pus-filled fuckery on Italy. And they’re getting a major raise.
They should really get paid with a few drink tickets, a couple of morning after pills and a coupon book from the free clinic, but Entertainment Weekly says that the main whores (probably Snooki and The Situation) will get at least $100,000 per episode not including bonuses. Each season is typically full of 13 episodes, so that means Snooki and The Situation will have another year where they get to write a seven-figure number on their tax returns! Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!!
The Jersey Shore whores made around $10,000 an episode for season 2, so this is a swift jump. EW says that even though this might make you feel like you failed in life by going to college, Snooki and company are worth that much money. Jersey Shore continues to rule basic cable and has more viewers than most shows on network TV.
This must be
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