Trey Songz has already written a song about fear — literally. His track “Don’t Be Scared” soothes a hot chick who’s afraid of her carnal desire for some sweet, sweet loving. Of course, calming a girl into bed is easier than calming a girl while you’re both running from a blood-lusted maniac. But Texas Chainsaw 3D director John Luessenhop knew Trey Songz could handle the challenge when he saw the thrice Grammy-nominated R&B singer float down from the ceiling during the BET Awards and seduce Solange Knowles and the crowd; the next day, Luessenhop called his agent and asked if he could send him the script for the horror sequel — if Songz could control a stage, maybe he could command a screen.
And so Trey Songz (AKA “Mr. Steal Yo Girl” as he calls himself in his club banger “Bottoms Up,” AKA Tremaine ‘Trey Songz’ Neverson) stumbled into his unlikely starring debut in a slasher flick playing the boyfriend of Leatherface’s cousin, a brunette goth named Heather (Alexandra Daddario). Will Songz’ fans still swoon over his six-pack abs when they’re slicked with blood? Maybe — although on YouTube, commenters are threatening to storm out of the theater if he doesn’t survive. (We won’t spoil anything, but, um, have they ever seen a horror movie before?)
Not only is Texas Chainsaw 3D a first for Songz, Songz is a first for the Texas Chainsaw series: Its first MTV fixture-turned-cast member, its first black star, and the first male love interest to cross the color lines. Plus, it’s the first time in film history where someone dies because a Trey Songz jam on the stereo muffles their screams. We ask Songz about breaking ground in Hollywood — and if R. Kelly should follow in his…
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Aka, the former Miss Ukraine and the most graceful wig-wearing angel of the season who is bringing you the Christmas anthem of 2012.
I first heard about this Eastern European gift from Jesus last month when she threatened to sue the BLATANT THIEVES who wrote and produced the song “Call Me Maybe” for stealing some of the lyrics to her song “Hunky Santa.” Carly Rae Jepsen should be spending her Christmas in a Canadian prison cell getting waterboarded with maple syrup while a Nickelback Christmas song (please tell me one doesn’t exist) blares in her ears for screwing with Aka. Yes, aka is short for Also Known As The True Definition Of Talent.
Aka should also sue the writers of “Santa Baby,” because they’re obviously future see-ers who looked into the year 2012, listened to her masterpiece of a holiday song and then stole the entire idea for their song. Aka should also sue Debbie Harry for stealing her face and Linda Hogan for stealing her entire style. And she should sue the makers of wigs made out of shredded Styrofoam for stealing her luscious hairstyle. Basically, Aka should sue the world for copyright infringement, because she’s a one-of-a-kind original flower and we’re all stealing from her.
Merry Christmas, everybody! If you didn’t get a Hunky Santa for Christmas this year, tell your genitals not to frown, because you got something even better: the gift of natural beauty and pure elegance in form of a Ukrainian goddess!
That’s also the face she makes when her Ex-Lax Smoothie kicks in. Can someone get LeAnn Rimes a chair, bench, curb, step, stoop, ottoman, horse statue, or patch of grass to sit down upon? This desperate bitch needs to have a seat! After scaring the stuffing out of that child that lost X-Factor (and then blaming her for it), drunk-ass laxative lady LeAnn spoke to Extra (again) about how her new ditty reluctantly references her and gigolo husband Eddie Cibrian having hurt each other in the past. “Borrowed” is about these dickheads falling in love on the set of a Lifetime movie and fucking over their spouses. A classic and dignified love story for the ages. Actually, Brandi Glanville (and LeAnn’s checking account) are the only ones who got fucked over. Falcor’s ex Dean Sheremet slipped into some buttless briefs and twerked it for the boys in celebration at the nearest gay bar. Shaved beard AND alimony? Werq!
“I actually was scared to put him in the song, because it does talk about how we both hurt each other,” she explained. “There was a moment where we did have some hurt between the two of us that we had to accept and get over and move forward.”
What could the hurt between them have been? Twitter finger fatigue? STDs colliding? LeAnn got her first post-Eddie AMEX bill? Eddie confessing his revulsion over how much pooping time she puts in?
As for that song title. “Borrowed” implies that you’re going to be giving it back. Considering the current situation, I wouldn’t lend this bitch any books you want to see again.
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On part 1 of The X-Falcor (Freudian slip and it stays) finale last night, 13-year-old Carly Rose Sonicare (or however you spell her name) sang “How Do I Live?” (aka the song that Eddie Cibrian sings to the Black AMEX LeAnn gave him) with LeAnn Rimes and it must’ve taken all the will-power she had to not stop in the middle of the song to say, “Go home, Falcor, you’re drunk!“
LeAnn was a stumbling, wobbling, wailing disaster from start to finish and the only things missing from her act were a martini and a Parliament dangling out of her mouth. Bitch looked, acted and sounded like a pilled-up albino monkey getting shocked on electrical fence. America should give the frazzled broom the $5 million prize money, because bitch gave the performance of the night! This is Christmas and entertainment to me. Christmas IS some drunk mess paralyzing the children with fear by yodeling out a karaoke song. I just wish there was a Christmas tree in the background for LeAnn to fall on.
Sorry, Carly Rose Sonicare, you were just upstaged by one of the Wayans Brothers in his White Chicks drag.
Here’s some pictures from last night’s X-Factor show. In order: a Falcor doll made out of hay and white pantyhose, a constipated Brit Brit with Carly Rose, a drunken Ewok with JWoww, Demi Lovato and Khloe Kardashian giving us some Valley of the Chewbaccas glamour.
I really can’t stand any of Alicia Keys‘ songs, because they all sound like commercials to me. Examples: “Empire State of Mind” is a song for the New York State tourism board. “You Don’t Know My Name” is a song for Ginkgo Biloba and/or Alzheimer’s medications. “Superwoman” is a song for Kotex and/or Centrium Silver for Women. And “Girl On Fire” is a song for Gonorrhea awareness.
And now I’m really mad at Alicia, because she just had to ruin the magical and wondrous Gummi Bear theme song by screaming it out on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night. It wasn’t not funny and it wasn’t not necessary. Just because Alicia ruined a trick’s marriage doesn’t mean she has to ruin everything else including a piece of my childhood. Alicia better stay away from the Muppet Babies theme song AND the Beverly Hills Teens theme song.
If you need something to clean your ears out, here you go:
Well, here’s something that’ll make Michael Jackson do the lay down moonwalk (I don’t know what is either) in his grave. RiRi and The Difficult Brown crapped out a duet called “Nobody’s Bidness” for her new album “Unapologetic” and they just had to drag Michael Jackson into this mess by sampling “The Way You Make Me Feel.” Bubble better shit in a box and FedEx it to Fist Brown and RiRi for doing this to his best friend.
RiRi and Fist Brown have a point. It really ain’t nobody’s business…..except for the police, the emergency room nurses, lawyers, judges, anger management counselors, Diane Sawyer, Oprah, their Twitter followers and the millions of people who will listen to this song. But for the zero of you not included in that list, it’s none of YOUR business.
This song sounds like something Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown turned down before they went with “Something in Common.” Because this world is a shit place, I’m sure it will be a hit and I’m sure Hope Solo and the dude who allegedly whooped her ass danced to this song at their wedding. That’s romance.
James Bond veteran and BAFTA-nominated director Danny Kleinman has crafted all but one of 007’s title sequences since taking over from Maurice Binder, the creator of Bond’s iconic gun barrel shot, with 1995’s GoldenEye. For Skyfall Kleinman created a moody, inky death dream of a title sequence powered by Adele’s “Skyfall” theme song — a reflection, he explains, of the MI6 agent’s dark emotional state as Bond’s 23rd EON outing unfolds.
REVIEW: James Bond Is Reborn In Lavish Skyfall
“At the beginning of the film there’s always an amazing action sequence, and this time it ends with Bond being shot. So one of the things I wanted to do was perhaps suggest what might be flashing through Bond’s mind as he thinks he might be dying,” Kleinman explained to Movieline.
Kleinman memorably used scorpions to open Die Another Day and turned Casino Royale’s literal and figurative gambling theme into a kaleidoscope of deadly hearts, spades, diamonds, and clubs. The key guiding motif for Kleinman’s Skyfall title sequence? Death. “It’s a sequence that starts with Bond underwater and thinking that he’s dying,” Kleinman said. “I took that on as being almost like going into the underworld, feelings of mortality and feelings of, perhaps, regret and nostalgia.”
In Skyfall’s opening sequence Bond drifts through a watery dreamscape of daggers and guns, encountering faceless, shadowy foes who threaten to overtake him. “One of the lines in the movie is about the intelligence service working in the shadows,” Kleinman said, “and I found that really interesting — the idea of being in the shadows and how shadows suggest different things but can also be intimidating.”
“It’s quite a macabre and dark sequence, because I think the film is about…
Full Story »If you didn’t gather this from Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln biopic, then Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan are back from the 1980s to tell us that the 16th President of the United States is most excellent, as is Socrates and Sigmund Freud. Ghengis Khan and Joan of Arc, on the other hand, are Bogus.
Those are the verdicts rendered in this infographic, which revisits Bill and Ted’s journey through time and space, in commemoration of the Blu-Ray release of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
This should whet Bill & Ted fans’ appetites for the new sequel that, back in August, Vulture reported is in the works — with Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter reprising their roles, and Galaxy Quest director, Dean Parisot, helming. Bill & Ted creators, Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson, have written the script.
Keanu Reeves Talks ‘Bill & Ted 3′ Plot
In August, Reeves talked to GQ about the weighty-sounding plot of Bill & Ted 3 — explaining that the main characters “have been crushed by the responsibility of having to write the greatest song ever written and to change the world. And they haven’t done it. So everybody is kind of like: ‘Where is the song?’”
The Matrix actor added, “The guys have just drifted off into esoterica and lost their rock. And we go on this expedition, go into the future to find out if we wrote the song, and one future ‘us’ refuses to tell us, and another future ‘us’ blames us for their lives because we didn’t write the song, so they’re living this terrible life. In one version we’re in jail; in another we’re at some kind of highway motel and they hate us.”
Heavy, dude.
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