It’s going to be 60 degrees in NYC today, RiRi has publicly turned her back on the Illuminati, Rutgers is offering a Beyonce course and now there’s a chance that the Pfizer recall has officially become a disaster to humanity because SNOOKI MIGHT BE SPAWNING! As the 20th century’s greatest philosophers Bill & Ted once said: “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K!”
The respectable journal of truthiness Star Magazine tells us that in a few months a living creature will call Snooki its mommy. You can go ahead and cancel Groundhog Day tomorrow, because that Punxsutawney Phil bitch ain’t coming out since he’s digging his way to hell as I type this shit. Star’s source says that Snooki and her midget hulk of a boyfriend Jionni smushed a baby into her womb and she’s telling everybody about it.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family. She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”
This is good news for the makers of the first ever tanning bed crib. This also good news for Planet Earth who are assembling their bravest camera crew yet to capture the world’s first known birth of a Hulk/Ewok hybrid. Everybody else is fucked, because little Pickole Vodkotta LaValle will devour our world’s supply of pickles and taint our jacuzzis.
Oh well, we
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That soft wailing followed by the sound of rosary beads clinging together that’s coming from your second bedroom is an abuelita praying to Guadalupe to keep human star Walter Mercado (constellation name: Shanti Ananda) here on earth. Even if you don’t have a wailing abuelita, or a second bedroom, you do now, because the situation is that serious.
The beloved creature who came to the planet on a shooting star after the universe decided we really needed a Puerto Rican Liberace was hospitalized in San Juan with complications from pneumonia after he collapsed. Walter, who is what Carolina Herrera hopes she sees when she looks in the mirror, is currently being transferred to a hospital in Cleveland that specializes in heart disease. That wailing abuelita probably just turned into a full blown bawling abuelita.
A rep for Walter told The Miami Herald that he’s getting a little better, but they are moving him to another hospital since his blood pressure keeps going up and down. Walter’s niece said that he’s in a good mood and wishes everyone blessings in 2012.
Walter’s eyes are crystal balls, so I hope he doesn’t see the image of the heavens taking him anytime soon. If that happens, Telemundo’s headquarters will sink into the core, the stars will fall from the sky and every abuelita will get a black veil permanently attached to her face. Walter must live for the sake of raw silk-covered glamour and that hospital in Ohio must hang a rhinestone chandelier in his room, because how is he going to heal without his daily dose of vitamin sparkle?
(Thanks Ron!)
With the nasty back and forth between William Shatner and Carrie Fisher arguing the eternal question — Star Wars or Star Trek? — it seemed peace was all but a fantasy in the world of science fiction. Enter George Takei, the erstwhile Mr. Sulu and the voice of reason in this galaxy-splitting debate, to unite both fandoms in the hatred of their “ominous, mutual enemy” — Twilight. “And it is really, really bad.”
“Gone is any sense of heroism, camaraderie or epic battle,” Takei laments. “In its place, we have vampires that sparkle, and moan, and… go to high school.” Watch his video plea now, nerds! Shirtless fencing Sulu FTW!
[via E! Online]
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After some initial vexation from both director Michel Hazanavicius and star Jean Dujardin about The Artist’s wonder dog Uggie factoring in this year’s awards conversation, the duo seems to be warming ever so gradually to the notion that people liking Uggie is good for the movie. “When people say the dog is a good actor, it makes me happy,” Hazanavicius said in his latest interview. “I take it as a compliment for myself and the trainer.” Fair enough! And as for Dujardin? How about prime placement on the Golden Globes’ Web site praising his canine castmate?
OK, so there’s the same old caveat about Uggie just wanting sausages at the end of the day. But come on: We all want sausages at the end of the day. I’ll take mine without mustard. And with a beer. It is the end of the day, right?
[via @goldenglobes]
Full Story »With J.J. Abrams finally all-the-way onboard for sure, the Star Trek sequel is moving firmly ahead, settling into a May 17, 2013 release slot. What’s more? Abrams and LOST veteran Damon Lindelof are co-scripting with Trek writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. What’s even more-more? Star Trek 2 will reportedly be filmed in 3-D. Get ready for lens flares in yo’ face! Beam me up, Scotty — right into the freaking screen! Bring your own vintage, pre-annihilation Romulan ale and Federation perfume come May 2013 and make it a 5-D experience. Now that’d be going boldly where no filmmaker has gone before. [Deadline]
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As a fledgling artist in his teens, Drew Struzan took to illustrating movie posters to make a living; decades later, his work in the world of visual film art has become not only iconic, but a part of the way we celebrate many modern cinema classics of the past few decades. This month’s release Drew Struzan: Oeuvre collects more than 250 pieces of Struzan’s art from films including Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings, and Movieline has a special exclusive preview of rare pieces from the forthcoming book.
Drew Struzan: Oeuvre, in hardcover with a foreword by George Lucas, also includes selections of the artist’s more recent work ranging from Pan’s Labyrinth to Cowboys & Aliens to The Walking Dead, along with “record album, book, and comic book covers, to stamps, trading cards, promotional artwork and very personal original works.” The book is written by Struzan and wife Dylan and retails for $49.95.
Movieline’s exclusive gallery holds a few special treats, among them a look at Struzan’s Empire Strikes Back re-release special edition poster. Click here to launch our gallery of exclusive images.
[Pictured: Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (Special Edition) ™ & © 1997 Lucasfilm Ltd. All rights reserved. Used under authorization; The Lord of the Rings Masterpieces (1) © Copyright Drew Struzan 2006; The Dark Tower © Copyright Drew Struzan 2007]
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After decades on the circuit, retiring sci-fi icon Leonard Nimoy put in his last Star Trek convention appearance, waved his last Vulcan finger sign, and uttered the line “Live long and prosper” to a con crowd for the final time last weekend in Rosemont, Illinois. If you’ve been to Comic-Con or any of Creation Entertainment’s Trek-specific gatherings, you know how much the erstwhile Spock will be missed; if not, here’s a scene from an incisive documentary about the scene that pretty much sums it up.
Kidding! It’s the opening of Galaxy Quest, which nevertheless seemed to approximate the real life experience of working a convention as a former member of a beloved genre series. In contrast, the 80-year-old Nimoy always seemed more into and enriched by the fan interaction experience than Alan Rickman’s Alexander Dane. By Grabthar’s Hammer, Nimoy shall be missed, but kudos to a well-earned retirement. (He has been, and always shall be, our Spock.)
• Spock attends his last ‘Star Trek’ convention [AP]
Full Story »Since the only thing J.J. Abrams loves more than lens flares are secrets, this should come as no big surprise: The Super 8/Star Trek director is planning a new Paramount joint with screenwriter Billy Ray (Flightplan, Shattered Glass, and the upcoming Channing Tatum Peter Pan reimagining), which the duo devised together. The details are under wraps, natch, but it’s described as a “mystery adventure.” Thanks for that clue, fellas! While we wait for more info to hit the wires, see what potential Abrams-Ray fantasy pitches you can come up with in the comments below. (Anyone still holding out for Slusho: The Movie?) [Deadline]
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