Ingredients:
Two heaping cups of Shakira’s She-Wolf video
The root from Grace Jones’ iconic pussy stretch pose
1 clove of Lady Gaga’s anime eyes, minced
Half a slice of RiRi’s Umbrella video, cut into cubes
An entire box of Crayola pastel chalk, melted
A handful of nose cartilage, coarsely crushed
An entire bag of generic brand silicone (preferably a bag that is past its expiration date)
Directions: Throw all ingredients into one of Lil’ Kim’s old pink wigs, securely tie wig up with a garland of tarantula legs, throw it on the ground and pound with your ass until your jumping bowels are hitting your brain so much that you start to experience a slight epileptic seizure. Serve on a garden hoe with a Hilton-sized IQ. If a garden hoe with a Hilton-sized IQ is not available, serve on a brain dead rake. If a brain dead rake is not availabe, just serve on a Kardashian.
Every month at Movieline, we collect the best interviews, smartest features, and most compelling reviews we’ve produced, and curate them in one easy-to-use table of contents called the Virtual Newsstand, which pays tribute to our print magazine history. Here’s the Virtual Newsstand for July 2011.
ENTERTAINMENT AS A WAY OF LIFE
MOVIELINE
July 2011
INTERVIEWS
Double Vision
Two weeks. Two films. Two hits. Three roles. Dominic Cooper is having what you might call a breakout summer
Smurf Happens
TV and stage hero Neil Patrick Harris is a big-screen leading man at last in The Smurfs. (Unless you count Papa Smurf)
Liv Forever
Liv Tyler on The Ledge, battles of the sexes and The Lord of the Rings at 10
Crazy Lady
Marisa Tomei talks about the Hollywood anomaly of Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Hank Goodness
The Smurfs’ Hank Azaria makes a mean Gargamel — which is just the way he likes it
Rose to the Occasion
Rose McGowan on Red Sonja, Barbarella, and how Conan the Barbarian saved her from retirement
Colin Collect
Both in front of and behind the camera, Colin Hanks is a busy man
Tabloid Mastermind
Documentarian extraordinaire Errol Morris maps the crazy spot where sex, love, paranoia, media (and Mormons!) meet
Ari Almighty
We’re not laughing at Ari Graynor — we’re laughing with her
St. Patrick
Patrick Stewart opens up about Dorothy of Oz and the legacy of Capt. Picard
The Dark Knight
Playing radically against type, actor Patrick Wilson explores the underside of devout faith in The Ledge
Great Scott
Scott Speedman on Good Neighbors and the unfortunate vampire trend overtaking Hollywood
Hey Joe
Don’t know Joe Cornish? With his…
Yowza: With three new wide releases and no fewer than five well-regarded indies making their ways to art houses this week, you can’t say there’s nothing for you at the movies. Let’s give July the sendoff it deserves with a busy round of Weekend Forecast.
NATIONAL OUTLOOK
· Cowboys & Aliens: After what feels like months of hype and/or gazing at some variation of a photograph of Daniel Craig and his alien-light bracelet, the American public finally gets its eyes on the very big-budget ($160 million+!) graphic-novel adaptation. It is what it sounds like, and no one in particular is tremendously excited about it. Buzz out of last week’s Comic-Con premiere was pin-drop quiet, and when you’ve got Craig and Harrison Ford in a film whose marketing campaign favors the hook “From the director of Iron Man” over showing either star’s face, then faith might be low at Universal and DreamWorks. Projections, meanwhile are not; some are predicting a take near $50 million, but I’m not drinking that Kool-Aid. At least not with Captain America holding its own and a possible sleeper-in-the-making like Crazy, Stupid, Love pulling adults away. FORECAST: $33.7 million
· The Smurfs: No one necessarily asked for this movie before it was announced, but a surprising amount of people with young kids and/or a robust sense of nostalgia are expected to ask for it this weekend. The 3-D bump will treat this one right — still probably not enough to score second place over Captain America, but…
Full Story »Ever wonder why some actors appear comically oversized next to their castmates on movie posters? It could have something to do with each actors’ popularity, billing or — as evidenced by a new Funny or Die video featuring Steve Carell — strict contractual demands. Watch the former Office star fight for prime positioning on the Crazy Stupid Love poster (“Would you rather see Ryan Gosling’s face or mine?”) based on an argument that involves pancakes, Seth Rogen and hilarious never-before-seen artwork for Carell’s first feature, Curly Sue.
[via Funny or Die]
Full Story »
