Brad Pitt’s hair looks almost Fabio-ian on the cover of W Magazine. Or maybe it looks almost JodieFoster-ian? – Lainey Gossip
50 Cent is the DOUCHE percent – The Berry
I think this is the first time I’ve seen a bunny make a FML face and rightly so – Hollywood Tuna
And yet this dead bride still looks a billion times more authentically happy than Kim Kardashian on her faux wedding day – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
CALLING TIM PEELER! CALLING TIM PEELER! Your long-lost Sasquatch soulmate has been spotted working as a Khloe Kardashian look-alike at a strip club in DC – Celebitchy
Tila Tequila wants to become Tila Slivotiz – The Superficial
The Beyonce horsefly looks like a Kardashian horsefly to me. I mean, fat golden shower ass? – Towleroad
Please tell me Daniel Craig’s new SoHo apartment is on Bond Street – ICYDK
Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece is totally wearing a jacket that used to be a sleeping bag – Popoholic
If each one of the ladies of the Critics Choice Awards said “I’m wearing a dress by BORING and shoes by Unisom” when asked what they’re wearing, they’d totally be telling the truth – Popsugar
Despite wearing a wetsuit, Lindsay Lohan looks like
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Mamma Mia! is a celebrated American film where Meryl Streep tries to convince you she’s brain-damaged for 108 minutes. She has no guess as to who birthed her blonde, blue-eyed, ABBA-squawking daughter, but she’ll storm about a sunny Grecian isle until we all agree to forget she’s doing this for an obese stack of cash. What a Swedish fishy musical this is! It gives Stockholm Syndrome to thinking people. Let’s watch it 30 times, channel Agnetha and Anni-Frid using ethereal harmonies and beige lipstick, and recount the five greatest musical numbers in this insane, aquamarine spectacle of light, sound and sheer embarrassment.
I nearly forgot: The youthful star of Mamma Mia is Amanda Seyfried, who leads this week’s new release In Time with a “futuristic look” (code for “Bridget Fonda haircut”). That movie looks unbearable, but Seyfried makes Mamma Mia a pleasure using her Tila Tequila-shaped head and physique. She’s supported by an exhausted cast of veterans wind-burnt by time and sitcom pilots. Together they’re a mysteriously savory blend, and they create a movie that is pretty much Glee for Adderall addicts, or Kidz Bop for chocolate-crazed, Fabio-literate adults. The ridiculous paternity narrative is irrelevant — I’m hopped up on pure ABBA euphoria after re-watching Mamma Mia!, and here are the five covers worth revisiting on this droopy Wednesday.
5. Christine Baranski’s husky, libidinous “Does Your Mother Know”
Christine Baranski has graced the pages of Bad Movies We Love before, but here she comes into her own as a barky she-wolf with a legendary mandible. In the hard-veined hands of Baranski, ABBA’s “Does Your Mother Know” bursts with powerful horniness. Watch as this goody-goody Good Wife player juts and thrusts with the chutzpah of a…
File this under: The shit you’ve got to do to sell a damn movie. The threat of spending the rest of her day covered in flea dip while her clothes burn in a chimenea in the backyard was not great enough to keep Jennifer Aniston from pushing her movie! Jen put a Frontline bracelet on her wrist and got all her shots backstage before taking part in an improv skit with professional fuckery provocateur Tila Tequila for Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis. Here I was thinking that the only time I’d ever see Jennifer Aniston and Tila Tequila sitting next to each other would be at a welcome parade for the Four Horsemen.
Why couldn’t this have been St. Angie Jolie instead? Angie Jo would’ve mistaken Tila for a destitute orphan baby little person and adopted her on the spot.
On a positive note, those ferns and Zach’s beard look pretty.
Kevin Kline (63)
Shenae Grimes (21)
Wayne Rooney (25)
Adrienne Bailon (27)
VV Brown (27)
Tila Tequila (29)
Casey Wilson (30)
Zac Posen (30)
Monica (30)
Caprice Bourret (39)
B.D. Wong (50)
F. Murray Abraham (71)
Bill Wyman (74)
Tila Tequila with her nipples out at The Gathering of the Juggalos right before she got bombed with Faygo-infused shit… You can take that Silkwood shower first, I’ll wait. – Egotastic!
Jennifer Aniston wearing the same shit-fitting tube top my mom’s co-worker Loretta wore to the company holiday party 15 years ago – Lainey Gossip
Jakey G’s beard is sexier than his last one – Towleroad
Irv Richards needs to tell Denise Richards to stop effing with her face before her nose really looks like a mini plastic pig snout (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Audrina Patridge’s tits hit the town and her irises hit the sky – Hollywood Tuna
Ke$hit continues to find creative ways on how to make herself look like even more of an asshole – The Berry
Morpheus is washing his hands of his pussy peddling daughter – The Superficial
Pretend it’s 1996 and drop some panty pudding over a topless David Charvet - Popsugar
LeBron James loving himself on GQ – Just Jared
Justin Bieber’s babysitter/potty trainer in Allure – Popoholic
Mrs. Rojo loves being unemployed since it means she gets to spend more time nuzzling on Rojo Caliente’s fiery bush – I’m Not Obsessed
Juliette Lewis with Cookie Monster’s dick shrub on her head at The Switch premiere – ICYDK
St. Angie lets her child army play with fake blood – Celebitchy
Method Man also got Juggalood – Necole Bitchie
If Scary Spice keeps standing there, Eddie Murphy is going to pull up and ask her if she needs a ride – Hollywood Rag
Celebrating Belinda Carlisle’s birfday with a gallery of her nipples’ greatest hits – Cityrag
Douchebag Scott Disick would wear polka dot trunks – Moe Jackson
(Image via Driven by Boredom)
The last trick on earth (next to Lindsay Lohan) who should play Marilyn Monroe might play Marilyn Monroe – Lainey Gossip
Even Xtina would make a better Marilyn Monroe (take that with a huge layer of sarcasm on top) – Hollywood Tuna
Betty White was robbed! Rooney Mara is the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Jezebel
But which one is RPattz and which one is Kristen Stewart? – Celebuzz
AnnaLynne McCord at some stupid event for Crest, which makes sense because I’m pretty sure her diet consists of only toothpaste and extra thin ice chips – Egotastic!
The housekeeper who witnessed Mad Mel bring the rage upon OctoSana died last week. Oh, Mel would…. – The Superficial
Does Suri Cruise accept other clients, because St. Angie needs her help – Popsugar
Because this is how shit works in the US, Steven Slater might get his own reality show – Towleroad
Mad Mel lost control of his Maserati and smashed into a bunch of rocks. Maybe “Hava Nagila” came on the radio? – Celebitchy
Well, Mischa Barton’s bong isn’t going to fill itself! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
SPOILER ALERT: The peen lover on 90210 is… – Just Jared
No more Prostitution Whore on Real Housewives of New Jersey? – ICYDK
Baby horse trying to hump a ball (not a Hilary Duff sex tape) – Cityrag
Asshole Simpson needs to give those denim panties back to Gay Al, because he’s the only one who can pull them off – Hollywood Rag
Wake me when every bitch on Jersey Shore (except for the duck phone) gets thrown into a prison cell – I’m Not Obsessed
Video of the Juggalos trying to murder Tila Tequila, sponsored by Faygo – Holy Moly!
When I first heard that Tila Tequila was going to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos in Illinois, I figured shit would get beyond real. Well, shit not only got beyond real, but shit got all over Tila Tequila. Literally. Tila Tequila tells TMZ that right went her toe hit the stage, the Juggalos allegedly started a revolt against her by stoning her ass and launching a tidal wave of piss-marinated caca at her face.
Tila, who sent pictures of her injuries (see the pictures here) to TMZ, claims that the Juggalos wanted her DEAD!
Here’s Tila’s account of the Battle at Faygo:
“I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the shit out of the port-0-potty and threw shit and piss at me when I was onstage.”
These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their
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Bobbing for Gosselins – Eileenie McMeanie
Runners-up:
The reason all the thoughts don’t connect in Tila Tequila’s brain. – Vern
Now we know what’s in the Chinese RPattz unicorn forest. - atlanta pug
via FunPic
