Tila Tequila is back to show Amanda Bynes how crazy is really done. In a 7-minute-long video (that I watched in its entirety, because I’m crazier than Tila and Amanda combined), Tila creates electricity and energy balls with her own hands. I’ll just let Tila’s description of this video speak the sad crazy for itself:
Hey Guys!
For a long time now I have been able to do some pretty supernatural things that most would consider “SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES” I have noticed that everyday my powers are getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger. Now I know for a fact that God put me on this planet to help people remember that they too, are capable of having Super Human abilities because we were made in the likely image of God after all! You guys wouldn’t believe what other stuff I am capable of doing, but for now I just wanted to show you something pretty basic. Well, it’s not basic, but it is compared to my other abilities and I want to teach everyone else how to be able to do these things as well! These are the gifts that God gave you, and those Evil ones in power know this that’s why they don’t want you to remember! Well, too bad for them I am going to be the one to teach you how to get your GOD GIVEN SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES BACK!! So please subscribe to my channel because you DO NOT wanna miss these lessons
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From the people who brought you 16 & Pregnant, Date My Mom, A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila and Jersey Shore where once you found proud, pioneering music videos roaming free on the TV plains: Five new categories for this year’s MTV Movie Awards! Including “Best Music”! This should turn out great. And there’s more.
From the official MTV press release just over the transom, which doesn’t even read like English after a while:
“The Movie Awards will be a re-imagined celebration of the most popular films and performances from the past year,” said Stephen Friedman, President of MTV. “This year, we’ve overhauled categories and added a Breakthrough Performance award that will be chosen by some of the best directors in the world. We’re also making music a more central experience to the overall show creative, and are thrilled to announce fun. – a band that has already imprinted a new anthem on a generation – as our first musical moment.”
Once again, MTV fans will hold the “Power of the Popcorn” awards in their hands. This year’s brand new “Best Music” category will allow fans to vote for a specific movie moment when the perfect song played during the perfect scene.
In returning category favorites like “Movie of the Year,” will the final installment of Harry Potter bring home the crown or will the record-shattering The Hunger Games shake things up? Last year, Emma Stone took home the prize for “Best Comedic Performance” but could she receive a nomination for “Best Female Performance” for her role in The Help? One thing is for certain, it’s Hollywood’s wildest awards ceremony and anything can happen.
Categories for the “2012 MTV Movie Awards” include:
“Movie of the Year”
“Best Female Performance”
“Best Male Performance”
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Happy Passover, everyone! And I know I’m saying this as a picture of the iguana goddess dressed as the true symbol of Easter (sorry, Jesus) hangs above, but it’s a fact that seeing Courtney Stodden as the Easter Bunny makes 9 out of 10 non-Jews convert to Judaism – ONTD
RPattz can pass as a de-zombied SamRo in a certain light, so I’m surprised Lindsay Lohan didn’t try to scissor him right there – Lainey Gossip
Isn’t it a little early for Pimp Mama Kris to start pushing Kendall Jenner into the Kardashian Family Donkey Show? - Hollywood Tuna
This is your Best Supporting Actress category on meth and THEATER! – Towleroad
How do I make a request for the ginger in the link above to do an impersonation of Salma Hayek as the queen of a Mexican drug cartel? – Celebitchy
Of course Duchess Kate matches her chonies to her dress like any refined royal lady does – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Today’s shank eye provided by Grace Park - Popoholic
I’ll take two of each – The Berry
Isn’t every walk Kim Kuntrashian does, a walk of shame? – ICYDK
The Vanessa Lutz bump watch takes us to el playa – Popsugar
So I guess Brandi Glanville dyed her hair brown the other day - Just Jared
What in the name of Jackie NO is Tila Tequila wearing? – I’m Not Obsessed
Baby riverdancing – Cityrag
The Happy Meal lives on - Hollywood Rag
Hey girl, lighten up, it’s not that serious - OMG Blog
Poke at me when Miley Cyrus quits the planet – Videogum
The Wise Voice of Reason: Terror Reid always is – Celebslam
File this under: I hope this leads to talking ice sculpture Cindy McCain writing her own Penthouse Letter.
John and Cindy McCain’s daughter Meghan McCain is in Playboy’s April issue (for reasons I’ll never know) and she kept her Republican titty balls to herself, but she did talk about how only peens are allowed up in her sugar walls. But before Meghan got into dick talk, she said that she overdosed on Xanax the day before the 2008 election and that she gained some chunk during the height of “Obamamania.” Meghan gained weight by gorging on Snickers while hanging out on her parents’ bed with her friends and that led to dick talk:
Watch it, mister. My friends from home came over to support me, and we got in my parents’ big bed. They have this huge California king and we just stayed up eating ice cream. I’m not a lesbian, if that’s what you’re asking. I’d be the first person to tell the world I was gay. I’m not private about anything. I think you should live how you should live. But I’m strictly dickly. I can’t help it. I love sex and I love men.
And that led to the interviewer asking about Meghan’s love for Rachel Maddow and Tila Tequila:
Honey, you’re nobody unless you have a gay rumor about you. I’ve been hit on by women from time to time, and it
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The black cloud of woe is still fucking with the blossom in the garden of dead weeds that is MySpace. Tila Tequila lost the love of her life Casey Johnson, miscarried the baby some say she faked for attention and now TMZ is saying that she’s on her way to a clinic after trying to get a date with the Grim Reaper all week.
Last Wednesday, the ambulance showed up to Tila’s house after her roommate called 911 and told the operator that she was knocking on death’s door all week long. Tila was falling in and out of consciousness in front of the paramedics, so she was taken to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Tila was released shortly after, but her manager called 911 last night to ask officers to check on her ass, because he had a feeling something wasn’t right. The officers showed up to Tila’s house and tried to see if she was okay, but she’s currently in a wheelchair so she couldn’t answer the door. The cops left and she’s resting at home.
Radar says that Tila’s health and mental problems started when a brain aneurysm almost sent her to Jesus. Tila apparently had a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night and while she was in a state of confusion, she tried to stop the head seizures by downing two whole bottles of prescription drugs.
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Brad Pitt’s hair looks almost Fabio-ian on the cover of W Magazine. Or maybe it looks almost JodieFoster-ian? – Lainey Gossip
50 Cent is the DOUCHE percent – The Berry
I think this is the first time I’ve seen a bunny make a FML face and rightly so – Hollywood Tuna
And yet this dead bride still looks a billion times more authentically happy than Kim Kardashian on her faux wedding day – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
CALLING TIM PEELER! CALLING TIM PEELER! Your long-lost Sasquatch soulmate has been spotted working as a Khloe Kardashian look-alike at a strip club in DC – Celebitchy
Tila Tequila wants to become Tila Slivotiz – The Superficial
The Beyonce horsefly looks like a Kardashian horsefly to me. I mean, fat golden shower ass? – Towleroad
Please tell me Daniel Craig’s new SoHo apartment is on Bond Street – ICYDK
Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece is totally wearing a jacket that used to be a sleeping bag – Popoholic
If each one of the ladies of the Critics Choice Awards said “I’m wearing a dress by BORING and shoes by Unisom” when asked what they’re wearing, they’d totally be telling the truth – Popsugar
Despite wearing a wetsuit, Lindsay Lohan looks like
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Mamma Mia! is a celebrated American film where Meryl Streep tries to convince you she’s brain-damaged for 108 minutes. She has no guess as to who birthed her blonde, blue-eyed, ABBA-squawking daughter, but she’ll storm about a sunny Grecian isle until we all agree to forget she’s doing this for an obese stack of cash. What a Swedish fishy musical this is! It gives Stockholm Syndrome to thinking people. Let’s watch it 30 times, channel Agnetha and Anni-Frid using ethereal harmonies and beige lipstick, and recount the five greatest musical numbers in this insane, aquamarine spectacle of light, sound and sheer embarrassment.
I nearly forgot: The youthful star of Mamma Mia is Amanda Seyfried, who leads this week’s new release In Time with a “futuristic look” (code for “Bridget Fonda haircut”). That movie looks unbearable, but Seyfried makes Mamma Mia a pleasure using her Tila Tequila-shaped head and physique. She’s supported by an exhausted cast of veterans wind-burnt by time and sitcom pilots. Together they’re a mysteriously savory blend, and they create a movie that is pretty much Glee for Adderall addicts, or Kidz Bop for chocolate-crazed, Fabio-literate adults. The ridiculous paternity narrative is irrelevant — I’m hopped up on pure ABBA euphoria after re-watching Mamma Mia!, and here are the five covers worth revisiting on this droopy Wednesday.
5. Christine Baranski’s husky, libidinous “Does Your Mother Know”
Christine Baranski has graced the pages of Bad Movies We Love before, but here she comes into her own as a barky she-wolf with a legendary mandible. In the hard-veined hands of Baranski, ABBA’s “Does Your Mother Know” bursts with powerful horniness. Watch as this goody-goody Good Wife player juts and thrusts with the chutzpah of a…
File this under: The shit you’ve got to do to sell a damn movie. The threat of spending the rest of her day covered in flea dip while her clothes burn in a chimenea in the backyard was not great enough to keep Jennifer Aniston from pushing her movie! Jen put a Frontline bracelet on her wrist and got all her shots backstage before taking part in an improv skit with professional fuckery provocateur Tila Tequila for Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis. Here I was thinking that the only time I’d ever see Jennifer Aniston and Tila Tequila sitting next to each other would be at a welcome parade for the Four Horsemen.
Why couldn’t this have been St. Angie Jolie instead? Angie Jo would’ve mistaken Tila for a destitute orphan baby little person and adopted her on the spot.
On a positive note, those ferns and Zach’s beard look pretty.
Kevin Kline (63)
Shenae Grimes (21)
Wayne Rooney (25)
Adrienne Bailon (27)
VV Brown (27)
Tila Tequila (29)
Casey Wilson (30)
Zac Posen (30)
Monica (30)
Caprice Bourret (39)
B.D. Wong (50)
F. Murray Abraham (71)
Bill Wyman (74)
