Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Bobby Hill toy ID card that will get you booze anytime and at anyplace (in the UK anyway)!

I meant to write about this extremely important expose when I read about it at the esteemed literary journal The Daily Mail last week, but since I have the memory of a plastic toy ID card, I completely forgot about it until I was carded a couple of nights ago while buying beer from the deli. At that moment, I wish I had a Bobby Hill toy ID card to show the deli dude, because I hate showing my drivers license since in the picture I look like a middle-aged South American woman who got the Tootsie cut in the 80s and hasn't ever changed it. That isn't the point, though. The point is that if you're underage and thirsty for the sweet nectar, don't bother trying to buy a fake ID on the Internet or beg your older sister's friend to give you her old one, because all you need to do is get yourself one of these Bobby Hill ID cards.

The Nottingham County Council in the UK sent a 17-year-old into 22 shops in Nottingham to buy booze using either no ID or an ID card with the face of Bobby from King of the Hill on it. More than half of the 22 shops never asked for ID or sold the kid booze even after he gave them the fake Bobby Hill ID card. Dude successfully used the fake ID card 6 times. The shops who fell for the scheme were given a warning, told to adopt a Challenge 25 policy (card any ho who looks 25 or under) and were given a King of the Hill box set so they can learn that Bobby Hill is not a real human being. The only cartoon person who exists in real-life is Julie Masking!

And I really hope that at least one of those clerks looked at that ID, sold him the booze and then said under their breath, "Dat boy ain't right or sober."

Hot Slut Of The Day!

My Pet Monster! Earlier this week, Adidas pulled their Jeremy Scott shackle sneakers, because some people looked at those fugly ass things and screamed "SLAVERY! RACISM! SOME KUNTA KINTE SHIT!" When I first looked at those vomit shoes, the word "slavery" didn't hit my head at first, but I did see several layers of ugly and I prepared myself for the heaves I'd make while seeing stupid shits stroll around with those prisoners of fug sneakers on their feet (I'm talking to you, Justin Bieber). Jeremy Scott said that slavery didn't even cross his mind while designing those sneakers. Jeremy says he was inspired by the Khloe Kardashian of 80s toys: My Pet Monster! To which I say, My Pet Monster deserves better than those ugly ass shoes.

My Pet Monster was a toy from the 80s and everything you see is basically everything you got. I didn't have one, but a couple of my friends did and we used to take turns handcuffing each other with those orange cuffs. Then we'd beat on each other. I was kind of weird in a "50 Shades of Inappropriate" kind of way, but that was the 80s! There was also a direct-to-VHS movie and you don't have to press play on the trailer to know that it was a mess.

Oh, the 80s, when a toy maker's acid trips became reality....and later a direct-to-VHS shit show.

Hot Slut Of The Day!

Millie, the security guard pussy who's been hired by the UK toy company, Bandai, to troll their warehouse at night and keep thieving hos from stealing the toys. Millie will shoot those thieves with AWWWs and stun them with her cuteness, obviously.

A spokeswhore for Bandai (who will forever consider commenting on a security guard pussy as the HIGHLIGHT of his spokeswhore career) told Metro UK that they were looking for a night-time security guard when they caught Millie the Bengal cat trolling around the factory floor. Since bitch works cheap (cat food and fish) and stays up all night, it was a perfect fit:

"We are expecting a bumper year this Christmas with orders starting to fly in from retailers putting in their requests, including new boys action toy releases for Ben 10 and Power Rangers. With the appointment of Millie the security cat, our toys are now very well protected."

So if you're a toy thief (I'm talking to your ass, Grinch) and know how to subdue a pussy with a tube sock, you know what to do. But really, couldn't they have given Millie a better uniform? They should've given her a hat with a feather in it, so she really looks official. Tama knows what I'm talking about.

So Which One's Her Boy Toy Again?

Here's the African Baby Snatcher of England struttin' her 53-year-old ass through Heathrow with her crew of bought, birthed and leased BABIES!!! on the morning of her born day.

In case you couldn't tell from the dude in plaid throwing a "please tell me you're not smiling a stupid smile because you just made a caca in your Underoos and I'm going to have to clean it up using a Baby Wipe from this case I'm carrying" side-eye at the taller child, Baby Brahim is the one in the head scarf.

And Mercy's the child whose eyes are telling us that her nostrils just sucked in a whole of dirty ass air and she knows she's going to have to spend the rest of her day potty retraining that "can't hold it" bitch.

Hot Sluts Of The Day!

Hasbro's Surprise Pets! The plush mama toy that came with tiny babies stuffed into her pouch.

Toy makers in the 80s and 90s must have been trying to prepare children for the acid trips and dreamy ecstasy hazes they were going to experience later on in life by producing creatures usually found in hallucinations, because damn we were into some trippy shit back then. I was little too old when Hasbro came out with their Surprise Pets collection in the early 90s, but I still wanted one and had many conversations with myself on if I should use my allowance money to buy one of these instead of blank tapes and slap bracelets. Maybe it's because the mini raver in me wanted to turn the mama toy into a backpack.

And the thing is, I still want one! Who wouldn't want something that when you look at it makes you wonder if were just candy flipped? Visit Miss_Leoni for even more pictures of these stuffed animals of the acid rainbow.

What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?

Anne Hathaway is the next Catwoman and this ho showed up to an event for her new movie Rio dressed like a damn cat toy. The top part of Anne's outfit says "9-year-old know-it-all circa 1987" and the bottom part says "mariachi clown." Just no. The only way this outfit would work outside of a little girl's slumber party is if it was dyed pink and put on the body of Charo. That's it. However, I will say that I like Anne's necklace. It looks like all the things you'd find inside of Tommy Girl's favorite fuck toy drawer. Butt beads, travel-sized dildos, etc.... Yup, the necklace can stay!

Here's more of Anne wearing the finest clothes from Gymboree's black label collection with George Lopez and Jamie Foxx (whose hairline is almost as well manicured as Norwood Young's).