The apple of Victor Garber’s brown eye, Bradley Cooper, laughed at the rumor that he was dating Jennifer Lawrence, because he said he’s old enough to have made her. B. Coop also turned down Taylor Swift, because he apparently he only wants to date tricks who were alive when Hart to Hart was still on TV (that’s a good rule, actually). But forget everything B. Coop has said, because now he’s starring in awkward staged photo-ops with 20-year-old British model Suki Waterhouse.
B. Coop is currently in Boston shooting the new David O. Russell movie with Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Louis C.K. and Jennifer Lawrence, and Suki flew there from London to hang out with his ass. A source tells UsWeekly that Suki and B. Coop only met last month and they’ve been casually dating ever since. By the way, “casually dating” is publicist talk for “beard training period.”
B. Coop’s publicist should probably tell him not to shout shit like, “I won’t date girls who can be my daughter,” because you never know when you’re going to be set up with a beard who’s old enough to be your daughter. Like when people ask me what my type is. I always say, ANYTHING. Preferably, breathing, but
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Bunnicula, star of the children’s bunnysploitationn book series about a bunny vampire (bunpire?) who turned the worlds of a cat and dog upside-down when their family brought him home one dark, stormy night after finding him in a movie theater playing Dracula. File this under: the weird shit we loved as children….
You really can’t graduate from elementary school without one of your teachers telling you about this bitch right here. To make a short story even shorter, Bunnicula was about all the foolery that goes down after the Monroe family brings a red-eyed bunny home. Chester the cat immediately believes that something isn’t right about Bunnicula, because he sleeps all day, has fangs and sucks the life out of vegetables (“That sounds familiar…” – Apple and Moses Martin). Chester tries to convince Harold the dog that Bunnicula is out to terrorize the Monroes. I don’t remember exactly how it ends, but I’m pretty sure it ends with Chester Bunnicula falling in love and getting married before they break the headboard while consummating their romance. Something like that.
Speaking of Twilight, don’t you miss the simpler days when every kid’s vampire of choice was a shifty bunny and not Edward Cullen’s sparkle ass?
And the only thing that can make Bunnicula better is Victor Garber reading it to you. Get that in my ear. Happy Easter, everyone!
(For Lahoma)
No, this is not a picture of Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana showing off the amazing skills they learned from Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal’s School Of Showmance Acting. This is B.Coop and Zoe acting acting on the set of their movie The Words back in June. Last month, some whores were trying to say that B.Coop brought Zoe Saldana in for a beard fitting, but both of their reps tore up that rumor up. This made Father Victor Garber throw a holy smoldering side-eye at that situation. But now, some source is telling E! News that B.Coop and Zoe are definitely bumping assholes and they’re even spending the holidays together in the Rockies. This definitely made Victor Garber throw an “Are U Serious?!” scowl face. E! News puts B.Coop’s latest fauxmance like this:
But as recently as last week, a source tells E! News, they were telling friends that they had plans to go skiing in the Rockies together over the holidays.
“They are totally dating,” the source says.
Reps for both stars did not immediately return requests for comment.
Saldana and her boyfriend of nearly 11 years, Keith Britton, called off their engagement and revealed that they had broken up in early November.
In the past few months, B.Coop has supposedly been humping on JLo, Olivia Wilde, Melanie Laurent and now Zoe Saldana. B.Coop better slow
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Bradley Cooper’s orthodontist poster smiler and his always glistening coke eyes are blessing People Magazine this week and it’s not for a glorious “Yup, I’m Gay!” cover. It’s not even for a “World’s Sexiest Beard Wrangler” cover. People could’ve dropped a fire in all our no-nos (yes, I’m speaking for all of us again) by giving Prince Hot Ginge the title or they could’ve dropped more fuel into Pimp Mama Kris’ money-hungry charcoal heart by putting the crown on Khloe Kardashian’s head, but they went with B. Coop of all hos. I smell a Garber! If you go to Google Earth right now, type in “People’s World Sexiest Man ballot stuffing,” it will dramatically pan down into a Manhattan office and show you a clear shot of Victor Garber throwing you a wink while sitting on the ballot box. I’ve always said that it’s Victor Garber’s world and we’re just living in it, so I can’t be mad.
People says they chose B. Coop over serial panty creamer Ryan Gosling, because he’s a major mommy boy, a Georgetown graduate and can butter everyone’s baguettes by speaking the French. People also forgot to say that they really chose B. Coop, because his publicist promised to give them the sloppiest blowjob in the form of future exclusives.
After last year’s Mister World’s Sexiest Man Ryan Reynolds handed B. Coop a bouquet of roses, slipped a sash over
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About this time last month, the BlackBerries of two publicists air kissed at each other and created a beautiful union between JLo and Bradley Cooper. Just as you started picturing Bradley Cooper wearing JLo’s cherpumple ass as a beard, their publicists said that their dinner date in NYC was strictly professional. I took that to mean that B. Coop was not impressed with JLo’s third-tier amateur beard resume and burned it on the flame of the dinner candle as he winked at the hot waiter to put another dollop of whipped cream on his chocolate tart. That was the end of the Coo-Lo. BUT WAIT! Just like menstrual cramps and your stomach, JLo and B. Coop are back together a month later. That sound you hear that sounds just like an opera-singing harlequin clown bawling into the night wind is Victor Garber screaming out a low-octave: NOOOOOOO!
People has a picture of B. Coop and JLo driving in a car together yesterday afternoon in L.A. and she’s covering her face with her hands as if she’s screaming, “OHMAHGAH I CAN’T BELIEVE THE PAPARAZZO THAT I TIPPED OFF IS ACTUALLY TAKING PICTURES OF ME OHMAHGAH WHERE’S MY PRIVACY DID MY ASS EAT IT AGAIN OHMAHGAH!” A source tells TMZ that B. Coop and JLo are just casually dating for right now and they’re not even close to being serious. Translation: they’re just in beard training mode.
Who keeps trying to make
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Full Story »William & Catherine: A Royal Romance, the most accurate portrayal of the royal family EVER presented by Comedy Central The Hallmark Channel! Oh, and by “accurate” I mean “Are those bitches at Hallmark rolling up their own cards, stuffing it with that annoying card confetti and then smoking it up before making casting decisions?!” Seriously, whatever they’re smoking, they need to keep smoking, because this television movie event of the century looks like a glorious crown made of dried shit and the saliva Fergie spat out when she cackled at this mess. This television shit show will inspire the Razzies to create a television category.
Everything about this is YES. The acting is slightly better than the emotion a butt plug shows in an amateur gay porn and their motto while casting this was obviously: fuckit. I mean, Kate Middleton (played by Alice St. Clair) looks more like a junior high school Evangeline Lilly. Prince William (played by Dan Amboyer) looks like a late-in-life lesbian who still uses L.A. Looks styling gel. And Jean Smart as Camilla?! Yes, Jean Smart herself and not Jean Smart’s foot.
But the most ridiculous casting has to be Victor Garber as Prince Charles. Victor Garber has a wide face like a frittata and Prince Charles has a long face like a microwaved breakfast sausage. Next to each other, they make a delicious breakfast, but they don’t even come close to making a perfect pair of twins. Who looks at Victor Garber and thinks, “He looks like one of Camilla’s tampons”?
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So, it appears there is big trouble on the homefront. Not surprising that a Hollywood couple would be breaking up, but they have tried really hard to make it seem like they are a loving couple. The wife, a B list actress who can be difficult and has graduated from television to movies but with not much success. The husband, a celebrity in his own right but gets way overshadowed by his more famous wife. She is not seeing anyone, but he is sleeping with a female singer. She has started smoking again too. Tsk tsk. (CDAN)
Katherine Heigl and her husband whose name I’m too lazy to Google right now?
But are you telling me that all those pictures of Heeeeeeeeigggggl diabolically puffing on an e-cigarette like she’s at the staged dinner party of a Real Housewife are made of lies?! Does this mean Heigl only sucks on nicotine air to hold her over until she can eat real cigarette smoke in the privacy of her own guest bathroom? I FEEL CHEATED! If Heigl ever gets caught, I’m sure she’ll simply say that regular cigarettes no longer provided her with the amount of nicotine she needed to successfully stay addicted so she withdrew them as her main addiction.
Which A list action star had a chin implant when he was a struggling nobody? At the time, he was married to a movie
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