Ann Curry is pretty much out as co-host of Today and NBC will move her into a fancier role as foreign correspondent any day now. Everybody knows this now, but nobody knows who will get to inhale huge amounts of musky smugness while sitting next to Matt Lauer. Many have said that Matt will set next to a boiled, bland rutabaga who goes by the name of Savannah Guthrie, but Radar says that isn’t happening. NBC has put several replacement possibilities in front of focus groups and they weren’t feeling it for Savannah. But they were feeling it for Kathie Lee Gifford’s partner in morning time drunkery Hoda Kotb. They all burp up hearts for Hoda and they think she should be pried away from Kathie Lee’s pinot-stained claws to host the first two hours of Today. A source put it like this:
“Hoda scores off the charts in focus groups, and the audience can relate to her.
Hoda has a hard news background but is extremely comfortable discussing pop culture issues. She just has a warmth that viewers find comforting. She was very public with her breast cancer battle, and allowed cameras to follow her during her cancer treatments on Today. Hoda is a team player, and is so well liked by everyone at the show, most importantly, Matt Lauer. They have a very easy rapport and
…
Full Story »
The Daily Mail has a picture of Homewrecker Hall of Fame recipient Sienna Miller sipping on what looks like a flute of champagne in Portofino, Italy the other day. It could be a fancy kind of sparkling chamomile tea that calls for an extra fancy glass, but it’s probably carbonated sweet nectar. Sienna is on a “babymoon” with her fiancé Tom Sturridge and one of her friend tells InTouch Weekly (via Celebitchy) that she’s been lubricating her tonsils with wine (GASP!) and champagne (GASP! GASP!).
Sienna’s friend said that it’s not like her unborn baby is going to stumble out of her vagina saying shit like, “Yooooooo knows what yer problems is?!” The friend said that she’s just sipping, “Sienna is European and it’s common there for a pregnant woman to have a glass of wine or champagne. She’d never do anything to harm her unborn baby.”
Is it really just a European thing, though? I thought it was an international thing especially since more and more women are chomping on their placentas after giving birth. And any chef will tell you that meat is most delicious when braised in wine. SO DRINK UP!
On another note, are we really using the phrase “babymoon” now? Why don’t you just gag me with a CROC? It’ll bring the barfs up faster. Not only does “babymoon“
…
Full Story »A collectible poster debut from the boutique art purveyors over at Mondo is always an event, but this Valentine’s Day Mondo and the Alamo Drafthouse have something in store so special it’s almost… inconceivable! In celebration of the 25th anniversary of Rob Reiner’s 1987 fantasy classic The Princess Bride, the good folks at the Drafthouse have created a line of Princess Bride-themed wines (“The Bottle of Wits”) to coincide with a series of V-Day Princess Bride Quote-Along Feast events and a new illustrated commemorative poster by artist Drew Millward, which goes on sale today. Get the exclusive first look at Millward’s poster design after the jump!
[Ed.: According to Mondo the Princess Bride posters have indeed been printed with the incorrect year and will be sold as planned, warts and all.]
Even 25 years after its debut, The Princess Bride, adapted from William Goldman’s book of the same name, has sustained its place among the best-loved American romances and comedies; you’d be hard pressed to find a self-respecting film lover these days who can’t conjure one of countless iconic lines from Reiner’s film. (See Movieline’s account of LACMA and Film Independent’s magical Princess Bride live-read for further evidence.)
So it’s kind of perfect that the Drafthouse will host the Princess Bride Quote-Along Feast events this week at its six theaters in Austin and Houston on Feb. 14, in San Antonio on Feb. 15, and in Winchester, Va. on Feb. 16. What better way is there to spend Valentine’s Day than feasting on seared R.O.U.S. (“NY strip rubbed with telecherry peppercorn, mustard seed and espresso roasted medium rare in a pool of port demi, roast enoki mushrooms with mushroom risotto and grilled rapini”)…
Full Story »
Randy Travis was shuffled off to the drunk tank in Sanger, Texas at around 1 this morning after the cops ruined his buzz by catching him guzzling from a wine bottle while sitting in his car which was parked in front of a baptist church. If you put a banjo and a sprinkle of twang on that last sentence, it really would sound like a country song. As soon as Randy Travis smears some lip chap on those crackle lips (Seriously, couldn’t the cops have given Randy a dollop of Vaseline for his mug shot moment?), he should write that song.
NBCDFW says that someone called the police to complain about a suspicious-looking vehicle parked in front of the church. The cops answered the call and found Randy sitting in his car. When Randy rolled the window down, the cops practically got tanked from inhaling his 100 proof wine breath. Randy had an open bottle of wine on his lap, so the cops killed his car party for one and dragged him to jail. Randy was booked on public intoxication and dried out in the tank for a few hours before he was released.
Who hasn’t been arrested for getting drunk on the blood of christ in front of a church? But the thing is, Randy Travis lives in some town called Tiogra, which isn’t far
…
Full Story »
I was going to start this post by brain farting about all the fuckery that trickled on us this year, but the memory box in my head labeled 2011 has been erased by all of the breakfast wine, lunch wine, after lunch wine, dinner wine, before bedtime wine and during bedtime wine I’ve been guzzling in Italy this past week. The only thing I really remember right now from 2011 is the ethereal dandelion of my dreams, Duchess of Alba, dethroning that bland basic bitch Kate Middleton as the most beautiful bride of the year. And I also remember chewing on an entire glass bong after I found out that the IRS was auditing my ass. Oh, 2011, you punched me in the butt cunt and then you blew powdery beauty right in my face.
Whatever it is you do tonight, be safe about it. And by that I mean, don’t give your last name to your one night trick and if you’re going to get arrested, make sure the police drag you to a jail cell with WiFi. Because how can I start my day tomorrow without reading your emails where you curse me out for my tragic grammar and attach that picture of Prince Hot Ginge’s hard scepter that never gets old?
I’m spending my night the way all damn tourists in Venice spend theirs by going to that St. Mark’s Square shit. But I’m only going,
…
Full Story » 
“There are three reasons to watch a Christmas film. […] I have the perfect culmination to all three of those scenarios, and it not only involves a shit-ton of novelty songs, but also Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. So here’s the truest thing I’ll ever tell you: Holiday Inn is the Classic Hollywood Christmas Movie to rule them all, and the $2.99 you’ll spend renting it on iTunes is a third of what you’d spend on a glass of wine at a respectable establishment. (That is how I judge expenses: that sparkly Christmas dress costs five G.O.W [glasses of wine]; a ticket to see The Fassbender in the theater costs two.)” [The Hairpin]
Full Story » 
Happy Wednesday! Also in today’s edition of The Broadsheet: Another Hollywood hack bellies up to the Natalie Wood-mystery gravy train… Gary Busey uncorks one of his better one-liners… The Raid is coming to America… The growing cult of Shame… and more.
· Fact: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 broke $500 million in worldwide grosses in 12 days. I know what you’re thinking: “This is not a story I’ll be talking about today. What makes you think that, Movieline?” Honestly, I don’t know. I just figured since I’m citing it in my suicide note that you might mention it in yours as well. [Deadline]
· The director of an unreleased movie co-starring Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken — Natalie Wood’s shipmates the night she mysteriously drowned 30 years ago — says it’s nearing a distribution deal after years in the can. But never mind those guys (who don’t even share a scene together) — Life’s a Beach also features Morgan Fairchild and Rutger Hauer! I’ll bet you can see my hard-on from space. [FishbowlLA via THR]
· The Raid, director Gareth Evans’s punishingly violent action-thriller that was the toast of Toronto’s Midnight Madness section this year, has settled at Sony Pictures Classics. It will likely come to American theaters some time early next year. [Deadline]
· Gary Busey of all people really knows how to put the UK in its place: “You guys don’t have guns — you have sticks and dragons.” Well,…
Full Story »
Kate Moss is a seasoned drunk who knows very well that sometimes you can get to a party to find that some rabid disrespectful piles of scab trash have sucked down all the good sweet nectar and have left you to make a cocktail out of melted ice and window cleaner. So Kate always comes prepared just in case disaster should strike, and last night in London she stumbled into the Dazed & Confused (too easy) party at the W Hotel with two human crutches to keep her from spilling her goblet of wine.
Kate was not about to spill one drop. Jodie Marsh could’ve come by and made the wind barf by flexing, and Kate’s hand would’ve stayed steady and kept the wine in. Pete Doherty could’ve slithered up from the gutters to make tongue love with Kate’s nostrils (how they used to greet each other in the old days) and that glass would stay as stiff as a zombie’s dick. Bitch could go through a Wipeout obstacle course and come out with a full glass. Unlike that wrong bitch Kate Winslet in Titanic, Kate Moss is never letting go.
In the glory days, Kate could throw that wine around like nothing, but IN THIS ECONOMY you have to cherish and respect every precious drop. You don’t waste that shit. You fight for it, you lie for it, you walk the wire for it, you dieeeee for it.
(Apologies to the gorgeous lizard flower that is Courtney Stodden for that comparison.)
Here’s the gold digging, bed bug-killing, cocktail wasting, freckled dildo of delusion Lindsay Lohan completing her community service hours by volunteering at an Italian AIDS hospice today. Oh, did I type “volunteering at an Italian AIDS hospice“? I really meant to type that she’s pouring free champagne down her throat hole with designer Philipp Plein at an amfAR party in Milan tonight. Same thing!
Maybe it’s because I just ate an entire bottle of red wine, but besides the fact that her lips looks like two constipated bubble gum worms trying to push out a fart, she sort of looks o.k.a.y.? We’re used to seeing LiLo looking like a 49-year-old flea-ridden, morning shift Mordor hooker who just got a train ran on her (an actual train, not a gang bang), so this is an improvement! Yes, I’m still going to spray my eye balls with RID, but I’ll do two squirts instead of ten. Now I’m going to do the impossible by typing the following words: Lindsay Lohan actually looks good.
And yesh, I just admitted that I’m drinking red wine. Can you believe this shit? I’m trading margaritas for red wine, because Dr. Oz said it’s good for the heart. I’m of the olds. Just brand me with the word EXPIRED and roll me into Boca city limits.
A couple of days ago, Sweetas brought us the news that Aaron Carter opened his mouth on the face that meth built about his time with Michael Jackson, and what he said made the glass on Detective La Toya’s monocle fog up and crack. Daphne Barak from OK! Magazine Australia alleged that Aaron told her the late Michael Jackson fed him wine and cocaine when he was 15. But wait, Aaron tells TMZ that he never claimed that MJ sedated his 15-year-old body with the bad shit and dropped a red wine waterfall down his froat.
“Nothing was said that was reported.”
The Ghost of Justin Bieber’s future pointed to a YouTube video of the interview where he doesn’t mention anything about MJ feeding him coke. But Daphne stands by her story and still claims that Aaron told her “that Michael Jackson gave him alcohol and cocaine while he was 15. He also said that Michael invited him to sleep in his room, and when Aaron woke up at 5:00 AM, he found Michael on his bed.”
This is absolutely ridiculous, offensive and is making me do the moonwalk towards Daphne’s face so I can slap the wrong out of her! MJ never gave Aaron coke or wine. Why would MJ ever do such a thing? That’s not only illegal, but it goes against ever fiber of MJ’s moral being. How dare Daphne throw those hurtful accusations around! We all know that MJ only served Jesus Juice and the White Dust of Christ to minors. DUH!
