After Mila Kunis accepted an invitation to the Marine Corps Ball, every ho and every ho’s little brother started asking celebrities to be their date to their special event and the trend lives on. While my video invite asking Anderson Cooper to come to a party in my butt goes unanswered (RUDE!), Kate Upton did answer a video invitation from a high school senior who wants her to go to his prom with him.
When Jake Davidson’s prom video invite (the awkwardness is below in all its awkward glory) went viral on Sunday, Kate Upton tweeted him on Monday and told him she had to check her schedule. Today had the real-life Wyatt from Weird Science on their show morning and after he told them all the reasons why he thinks Kate should go to the prom with him, Savannah and Hoda told him that they had her on the line. Before Kate even said “hi,” dude started and finished right then and there. If dude almost has a panic attack just from hearing Kate’s voice, he’s going to hyperventilate himself out of puberty if he meets her ass in person.
Kate once again said that she’d have to check her schedule and I think what she means by that is that she has to go down to the court house to get a restraining order.
The allegory-rich Chronicle opens with a kind of generational statement: “I bought a camera,” senior class punching bag Andrew (Dane DeHaan) says, “and I’m filming everything from here on out.” Andrew is talking to his father (Michael Kelly), a drunkard ex-fireman who punishes his son for the stress of caring for his dying wife, though the announcement is meant for us as well. Chronicle fits into the growing genre of “found footage” films, though that becomes just one formal element of many director Josh Trank meshes together to put a new spin on the subject of teenage alienation and its more extreme social side effects.
People don’t respond well to Andrew’s decision to begin filming everything he does, though that may be because nobody responds well to anything Andrew does. Throughout the first part of Chronicle everyone he meets wants to know why he’s filming or tells him to stop; his popular, aspiring intellectual cousin Matt (Alex Russell) is particularly camera shy. In a gesture of great social generosity, Matt brings Andrew and his massive camcorder to a barn party for some fun one Friday night. Together with the ridiculously congenial class president hopeful Steve (Michael B. Jordan), Andrew and Matt explore what appears to be a sinkhole in a ravine outside the barn. What they find inside is a glowing chamber of vascular crystals. They emerge with spontaneously bloodied noses and telekinetic powers.
So, you know, another Friday night in Seattle. The trio take the event more or less in stride, so that what ensues is basically a montage of their various attempts to create the best YouTube video ever. The boys treat their superpowers like one more of puberty’s bodily twists, and trade tips on how to manage it. They begin by moving other objects around…
Full Story »The name Sydney Dalton was a trending topic on Twitter yesterday because of a YouTube video she uploaded of her and two friends committing a Justin Bieber poster MASSACRE! BIEBERCIDE! And with that, Sydney Dalton became every Justin Bieber fan’s greatest enemy (next to a Flowbee). As Sydney ripped up Justin’s face, his fans cried hurtful tears which evaporated into their skin and turned into RAGE as it entered their bloodstream. And they blew out their rage on Sydney all over YouTube.
You know how an army of Beliebers risked spending the rest of their lives in a prison playpen by threatening to murder Kim Kardashian? They did the same thing to Sydney. And I spent way too much time today watching all of their responses. I will share two with you.
This one is from a girl who way too sophisticated for me. She tells Sydney that if she ever sees her on the street she will hit her in the fucking face with a full wine bottle….CORK AND ALL (she later apologized, sort of).
Fancy, right? When I was her age, I probably would’ve threatened to hit someone in the fucking face with an Orbitz bottle or maybe an empty wine cooler. But definitely not straight up wine. It still makes me sad, though, because kids these days don’t respect booze. I mean, they are willing to waste it by hitting someone in the fucking face. Sad.
Here’s the one which has a very special surprise guest at the end.
She’s totally making a Sydney Dalton poster to rip up.
